Sex Addiction: Repairing the damaged couple - The Change Process

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https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre


Have you heard the Joke about the bride who learned her script
for what she had to remember on the wedding day - as: 1) Aisle
  2) Altar   3) Hymn


What has shaped you to be doing life how you are doing life? So
often, it is about those childhood development years and what got
set up as templates, to create those hamster wheel patters of
repeat behaviour; those habits - otherwise called Neural Pathway.


They where carved out by the brain (which does not like upset and
so, to get us back into homeostasis); but they are not always the
best choices of activities; yet seem to 'work' back there in
childhood and in the families that we are a part of - to mange
our interaction. 


So, since they 'worked ' and are on repeat, we take the repeat
practiced behaviours - now well entrenched - with us into
adulthood and are a grown up version of childhood practices. In
adulthood and the new couple relationship (different to the
growing up family environment), the brain experiences something
that looks or feels similar to a past negatively experienced
childhood pattern and so is triggered to respond in the same
way. 


"...but brain, this is a different person. This isn't those
people back in childhood who destabilised me. The situation is
different" - makes no difference to the brain. It goes into
autonomic response.


You may not see or realise the similar repeat behaviours being
done in adulthood - as being similar to how you did them in
childhood - because they are unconscious.


Couples counselling with The Kairos Centre is not about saving
marriages or relationships. It is about helping you to better
understand you. To move issues from the unseen, the invisible,
the unconscious, into the seen, the visible, the conscious.


When you can better see and understand stuff (because you have
moved them into focus and put a highlighter pen through them) now
you are in a position to effect change. You have stepped onto the
change continuum.


Know, however, that you cannot effect immediate (end-point)
change. After-all, they were hamster wheel repetitive habit
behaviours for decades. It is a journey. No quick fixes.


Change has, however, began, because you had no hope of changing
what you could not see or understand, until you can see and
understand them! They were just you, being you, doing life how
you do life - 'what's the problem. The other person is the
problem'.


If you change, then the other person has to change. They cannot
keep doing what they have repeatedly done, because you have
changed and are no longer in the same place to be the recipient
of their behaviours and at some point they have to change in
response to your change; but their change may not be the required
positive change, without some help. Get it!





Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction
| Porn Causes | Recover from Addiction | Self-Soothing Behaviors
| Childhood Trauma | Inner Child work | Childhood Development and
Addiction bullying | Porn Addiction Recovery | Abuse | Sexual
Abuse | Sex Addiction Recovery | Domestic Violence | Family
Conflict | Overcoming Porn addiction | Porn Addiction Side
effects | Porn Addiction Symptoms | Emotional Neglect | Quit Porn
Addiction | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation |
Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Mental Health and Addiction |
Dissociation | Anger | Husband has porn | Recovery Program | 12
Steps Program | EMDR | Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing
| Compulsive Behavior | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online
Therapy | The Kairos Centre | Neuroscience of Addiction | Porn
Addiction Help | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Authent