Sex Addict and partner choice - same for us all

Send us a text


- On-Demand Programme Link -
https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre


We fall in love with 'Differenceness' and 'Sameness'. Over the
years, we can become dissatisfied with the unconscious
differences of a partner, that is now in the conscious. So we set
about trying to change them to be more like us, since those
visible and conscious differences are no longer seemingly
acceptable or wanted. 


We consciously now only want the sameness bits. So the fight over
the toilet seat (up or down), and the top off the toothpaste, is
in full flow. Yet, it has nothing to do with the toilet seat or
the toothpaste (which 'breaks the camel's back') - causing us to
retreat from the relationship.


Here is a little of what Authors Jacobs, Dicks & Scarff have
to say: 


"Unconscious attraction: Choice or chemistry: we are not aware of
it. At an unconscious level we often pick and are picked out by a
partner who has had similar earlier life experiences. They may
have dealt with these experiences in an opposite way. Unconscious
choice of a partner is based on similarity. It may feel that you
"complete each other" or have found your "other half........When
couples unconsciously choose each other it may be as a second
chance to play out old conflicts (from childhood) which were not
successfully managed the first time around".


We choose partners & are chosen by partners at both conscious
& conscious levels.


Counselling may explore the idea of "chemistry" between two
people: how two people "fit" together to form a "whole".


Hendrix & LaKelly add their worth by suggesting:


"The Search For "One and Only": So how does this
information add to our understanding of romantic attraction? We
seem to be highly selective in our choice of mates. In fact, we
appear to be searching for a "one and only" with a very specific
set of positive and negative traits....... we are each looking
for someone who has the predominant character traits of the
people who raised us....it is a compelling need to heal old
childhood wounds". 


Aren't we strange and fickle people - us human beings? Might
AI do it better for us - partner choice I mean?


British Podcast Awards 2025: Would you consider voting for
this Podcast?


https://www.britishpodcastawards.com/voting


Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR
Practitioner.


Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction
| Porn Causes | Recover from Addiction | Self-Soothing Behaviors
| Childhood Trauma | Inner Child work | Childhood Development and
Addiction bullying | Porn Addiction Recovery | Abuse | Sexual
Abuse | Sex Addiction Recovery | Domestic Violence | Family
Conflict | Overcoming Porn addiction | Porn Addiction Side
effects | Porn Addiction Symptoms | Emotional Neglect | Quit Porn
Addiction | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation |
Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Mental Health and Addiction |
Dissociation | Anger | Husband has porn | Recovery Program | 12
Steps Program | EMDR | Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing
| Compulsive Behavior | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online
Therapy | The Kairos Centre | Neuroscience of Addiction | Porn
Addiction Help | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Authentic Self
Discovery | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual
Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Fantasy Escape | Codependency
| Shame in Addiction | Guilt in Addiction | Addiction in
Relationship | Infidelity | Therapy for Addiction |
Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry |
Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy |
Rela


Support the show