E202: Am I being defensive, or am I defending myself?

We’ve all had that moment — your partner brings something up, and
suddenly you’re snapping back with a list of everything they did
wrong. But wait… is that defensiveness, or are you just defending
yourself? This week, we’re diving into one of the trickiest
relationship dynamics out there: defensiveness. And we’re not just
talking about it — we’re unpacking real, raw stories straight from
you. From sex drive mismatches to mental load meltdowns, parenting
disagreements to pasta-water disputes (yep, really), these stories
highlight how easy it is to get caught in the cycle of feeling
blamed, getting reactive, and shutting down. But we’re also sharing
tips to break out of that cycle — with more compassion, more
understanding, and way fewer spirals. What You’ll Hear In This
Episode: What defensiveness actually looks like (and why it shows
up so fast) The difference between explaining yourself and shutting
down Real-life listener stories around parenting, mental load, and
misunderstandings What it really means to validate your partner
(without agreeing) How to talk to your partner without triggering
defensiveness Practical ways to pause, reflect, and repair (without
spiraling) Links & Resources: Check out DEEPER — our new
membership with full access to VanessaAI, monthly date night ideas,
live calls with us, and more Grab The Ultimate Foreplay Guides to
level-up your pleasure skills Follow us on Instagram for more
relationship tips and convos Want us to cover your story next? Keep
an eye on our IG Stories for callouts Join our email list – Be the
first to know about exclusive offers, new products, and exciting
updates: vmtherapy.com/subscribe =================================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ================================= Thanks
Chewy. Take advantage of amazing holiday savings and shop your
personal favorites. Get 20% off your first order ︎
https://chewy.com/pillows Thanks Beam. Get up to 40% off for a
limited time ︎ https://shopbeam.com/PILLOW Learn more about your ad
choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices