Podcaster
Episoden
27.11.2025
47 Minuten
It’s the season of gratitude, family time… and figuring out how to
have sex quietly. This Thanksgiving, we’re throwing it back to one
of our most iconic early episodes — all about having sex when other
people are around. Whether you’re hosting the in-laws, crashing at
your parents’ place, or sharing a wall with your roommates, this
one’s for you. In this episode, you’ll hear: Whether it’s actually
okay to have sex when you have guests (or you’re the guest). Our
best stealth-mode tips for keeping things quiet and respectful. The
most common mistakes couples make when trying to sneak one in. How
to manage the stress and guilt that come with “guest sex.” Bonus:
hilarious, cringe-worthy stories from our Instagram community that
prove you are definitely not alone. If you’ve ever had to choose
between your sex life and your sanity during the holidays… consider
this your survival guide. Go deeper Want to know exactly what’s
keeping you and your partner stuck (and how to fix it)? Take our
free Intimacy Quiz to discover your intimacy type and get a
personalized roadmap to better connection, communication, and
pleasure inside our membership, Deeper. Take the quiz now and
unlock your results: https://vmtherapy.com/5keys Stay connected
Follow us on Instagram instagram.com/vanessaandxander Get our
weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame
https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever
you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR
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Mehr
20.11.2025
56 Minuten
What if the biggest barrier to intimacy in your relationship isn’t
stress, exhaustion, or mismatched libidos… but your phone? In this
week’s episode, we’re trying something that might feel a little
controversial (and honestly, uncomfortable): no screens before sex.
Yep — for seven days, we challenged ourselves to put down the
devices before any kind of intimacy, whether that meant sex,
cuddling, or even a deep conversation. And let’s just say… it
revealed a lot about how much tech gets in the way of connection.
In this episode, you’ll hear: The surprising ways phone use impacts
intimacy (and resentment) What couples told us about their biggest
“phone fights” Our rules for a 7-day tech detox (and how to adapt
if you have kids) What happened when we actually followed them How
to create healthier phone boundaries — without starting a fight If
you’ve ever caught yourself scrolling mid-conversation or noticed
your partner reaching for their phone after sex, this one’s for
you. Because here’s the truth: your relationship with your phone
might be hurting your relationship with each other way more than
you think. Ready to reconnect? Take our free Intimacy Quiz to
uncover what’s missing (and how to get it back). Discover your
intimacy type and get personalized tools to help you communicate
better, desire more, and feel closer than ever. Take the quiz now
and unlock your results: https://vmtherapy.com/5keys Stay connected
Follow us on Instagram instagram.com/vanessaandxander Get our
weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame
https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever
you get your podcasts! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit
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Mehr
13.11.2025
1 Stunde 1 Minute
This week we’re bringing back one of our favorite games,
Tie-Breakers! You sent in the recurring arguments that pop up again
and again in your relationship — the ones that never seem to die no
matter how many times you talk about them — and now we’re stepping
in to make the final call. From sharing phone passwords to whether
it’s really that big of a deal to be 5–10 minutes late, we’re
tackling the everyday debates that drive couples just a little bit
nuts. In this episode, you’ll hear: The difference between
boundaries and control especially when it comes to what your
partner wears. Why couples fight about tiny habits (like dishes or
unpacking) and what those arguments really mean. How to handle when
one partner wants more privacy and the other wants full
transparency. What your “clean-up style” says about how you handle
responsibility in bed and in life. The psychology behind “small
stuff” fights and how to stop them from snowballing. Plus, the
ultimate showdown on period sex, post-oral kissing, and who should
drive. If you and your partner love to debate, this one’s for you —
equal parts funny, spicy, and “oh my god, that’s us.” Go deeper
Want to know exactly what’s keeping you and your partner stuck (and
how to fix it)? Take our free Intimacy Quiz to discover your
intimacy type and get a personalized roadmap to better connection,
communication, and pleasure inside our membership, Deeper. Take the
quiz now and unlock your results: https://vmtherapy.com/5keys Stay
connected Follow us on Instagram instagram.com/vanessaandxander
Get our weekly email — real talk, expert tips, and zero shame
https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever
you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR
SPONSORS ========================== Thanks Nature's Sunshine. Use
the code PILLOW at check out to get 20% off your first order plus
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Mehr
06.11.2025
58 Minuten
Whether you’ve been with us from the start or just found the
podcast, this episode is basically a cheat sheet for a better sex
life. We pulled together the best of the best from hundreds of
episodes — the tips, tools, and “aha” moments that have completely
transformed our community’s sex lives. From the rule that saved our
date nights to the mindset shifts that made intimacy feel easy
again, we’re revisiting the advice that started it all. In this
episode, you’ll hear: Why the “F*** First Rule” might be the
simplest way to rekindle connection. What the Bristle Reaction
really means and how to retrain your body to want touch again. How
to figure out your desire type (and why that might finally solve
your mismatched libido issue). The sneaky reason your sex life
might feel “meh” and how to make it worth craving again. Honorable
mentions like the First Pancake Rule, scheduling sex, and other hot
takes we might just turn into full episodes soon. If you’ve ever
thought, “Where do I even start?” when it comes to improving your
sex life… start here. Go deeper Want to know exactly what’s keeping
you and your partner stuck (and how to fix it)? Take our free
Intimacy Quiz to discover your intimacy type and get a personalized
roadmap to better connection, communication, and pleasure inside
our membership, Deeper. Take the quiz now and unlock your results:
https://vmtherapy.com/5keys Stay connected Follow us on Instagram
instagram.com/vanessaandxander Get our weekly email — real talk,
expert tips, and zero shame https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe
Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!
TIMESTAMPS 00:00 - Intro 04:05 F*ck First Rule 18:42 Bristle
Reaction 26:03 We make out every night 32:42 Two Types of Desire
40:15 Emotional Physical Conundrum 50:00 Mushy Broccoli Problem
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Mehr
30.10.2025
1 Stunde 3 Minuten
This week’s episode is a little spooky, a little silly, and a whole
lot of sexy. Since Halloween is tomorrow, we’re bringing you a
“Trick or Treat: Smash or Pass” edition of Pillow Talks. We’re
running through a list of playful, sometimes weird, and definitely
conversation-starting ideas for you and your partner to try in the
bedroom (or… maybe not). From holding water in your mouth during a
BJ to wrapping your partner up like a mummy to switching positions
every 60 seconds like it’s a HIIT workout… nothing is off-limits in
this one. Some ideas are pure gold, some are questionable at best,
and a few? Let’s just say they’re better left in the graveyard of
“good intentions.” In this episode, you’ll hear: The spookiest sex
trends we’ve ever been dared to try Which ones are worth a “smash”
and which deserve a hard “pass” Why experimentation keeps things
exciting — even if it’s a total fail How to decide what’s a hard
pass vs. worth a try Why laughter and curiosity are the sexiest
ingredients of all A few ideas that might just become your new
Halloween tradition If your sex life could use a little more fun
(and a few more giggles), this one’s your invitation to play. Ready
to learn new moves that actually work? Skip the spooky stuff and
get straight to the good stuff inside The Ultimate Sex Guide, our
fan-favorite resource that’ll help you feel confident, connected,
and completely in control in the bedroom. You’ll get: Expert-backed
techniques for better pleasure (solo and together) Real-life tips
to improve communication and confidence Step-by-step guides to
explore what really turns you on Grab The Ultimate Sex Guide and
unlock your hottest tricks yet! http://vmtherapy.com/ultimate Stay
connected Follow us on Instagram
https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander Get our weekly emails with
behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and a few good laughs
http://vmtherapy.com/subscribe Never miss an episode! Subscribe to
Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods.
========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
========================== Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your
first box of premium, wild-caught seafood. Get seafood you can
trust. ︎https://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code
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Survey, make sure to let them know you heard about Cozy Earth right
here!︎https://cozyearth.com Thanks Masterclass. Our listeners get
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Über diesen Podcast
Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! She’s a
sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he’s a regular dude.
Together they’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously
funny couple you want to grab sushi with. They share the ups and
downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step
techniques for improving yours. Subscribe for your weekly double
date full of totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship
advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind
closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It’s the sex education you
WISH you’d had!
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