Shut Up and Listen

“How old are you?” John asked, after I had shared a bit about my
history, why I do this work, and a few of the results I’ve helped
leaders create.


 


“Why does it matter?” I asked, wondering if he’d been listening
to me.


 


“It lets me know how much experience you’ve had on this planet.”


 


Having met several wise teenagers, and at least as many 70- and
80-year-olds who are the opposite, I cringed at such thinking.


 


“Ask me about my results—they speak louder than my years on this
planet,” I replied, irritated.


 


Considering his level of success as an executive, and the depth
of his connectivity, I wanted to impress him—to get him to think
of me as special, exceptional, and one-of-a-kind.


 


Abandoning my normal tendency to ask questions and listen when
meeting someone new, I set out to prove myself. I rattled off one
success story after another. All the while, John was staring off
into space, waiting for me to stop talking long enough for him to
end the conversation.


 


Soon after we parted ways, it occurred to me that in my quest to
prove myself, I had completely forgotten a foundational principle
for success: be interested, not interesting. Or, as Dale Carnegie
said, “To be interesting, be interested.”


 


When you’re interested, there’s nothing to prove. But how do you
let go of the urge to prove yourself when your capacity for
curiosity has been overwhelmed by a fear of not being enough?
Recognition is key. Perhaps you’ve heard the saying, “when you
face the sun, the shadows fall behind you.”


 


Considering that we all process fear and anxiety differently, the
key is understanding your response. Do you get louder, and talk
more, or do you get quieter and secretly wish you could
disappear? Do you tense up your stomach muscles? Do you find it
hard to breathe because it feels like an elephant is sitting on
your chest?


 


Clearly, we cannot control others’ opinions of us, but we can
become aware of our own triggers and seek to understand them. The
more we do, the better we get at listening more, talking less,
and trusting that the right people will arrive, and the wrong
ones will leave.


 


And, yes, asking good questions, listening intently, and seeking
to understand—rather than be understood—demonstrates great
wisdom. And, thankfully, I now understand the true gift in John’s
question about my age.


 


Next time, John, a simple, “Shut up and listen” will do!
  


 


Here’s to Your Greatness,


 


Misti Burmeister


 


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