Developing a Healthy Sense of Self-Worth is Imperative to Success

Running beneath the surface of our conscious awareness is a set
of beliefs—sort of an autopilot of assumptions and expectations.
The role models we’re exposed to as children, along with the
stories we consistently hear, instruct our belief system and set
us up to repeat patterns that create the results we see every
day.


Do you know the beliefs you bought into as a child that continue
to create your current reality?


I thought I did, and then I came face-to-face with the reality of
an undesirable result I’ve recreated too many times to count.


Frustrated and angry, I’ve found myself lamenting to friends and
colleagues about how inappropriate some men have been,
particularly in a business setting.


“The guy’s a jerk,” they’d say, fully supporting my irritation at
the situation.


Which is true—some men are jerks, though none of them have the
ability to impact me without my permission.


Rather than waste any more time pointing a finger outward, I
looked inward and asked myself, “How am I behaving that’s causing
such interactions? Why do they think it’s acceptable to speak or
act in such a way toward me?”


Over the years, I’ve asked this question dozens of times and come
to the realization it was something I said or did, giving the
wrong impression. I sought to adjust my behaviors and set
stronger boundaries after each instance, which ultimately never
worked.


I was fighting inertia—a deep-rooted set of beliefs that were
instructing my behaviors. As a result, I continually found new
behaviors to elicit the same result and ended up increasingly
frustrated.  


When I looked deeper, what I discovered was sobering and
empowering at the same time.


Somewhere along my journey, I bought into the belief that I
lacked inherent value as a person. For a whole variety of
reasons, I never developed a healthy sense of self-worth.


Though, until this moment, I thought my confidence and esteem
were quite strong!


Beneath the surface of my consciousness is a little voice that
fears inadequacy, loss and rejection. It’s the little voice that
grabs a hold of me and instructs me to use “proven” (learned)
strategies to ensure I’m liked, valuable and worthwhile.


Said simply, that strategy was flirting.


I understand that the only way to shift this result is to get
clear about two things: the value I bring and the challenges
potential clients are facing.


Today, I don’t go into a meeting without having a conversation
with myself about my own value, read some testimonials and plug
into my own sense of worth. This clarity has given me the ability
to focus on the business at hand and avoid the energy and time
sink of such negative interactions.


Rather than being caught up in a game of trying to be liked, I’m
finding enjoyment in uncovering real opportunities to help
leaders who want more focus, energy and greater impact in the
work they do. Now I have the time and energy to focus on helping
the ones who want the value I bring to the table.


What results do you find yourself continually experiencing? What
part do your beliefs play in these results?


Here’s to your greatness,


Misti Burmeister