How to Give Yourself Permission To Struggle (Evolve)

Having moved many times in my life, I’d grown accustomed to the
(hidden) benefit of starting over—zero expectations. When you’re
brand new to a community, they don’t know what to expect, and so
you have a chance to try on new behaviors and beliefs.


 


Changing the way we show up for people who have come to expect
certain behaviors and beliefs is far more challenging then
starting fresh. Having relationships that are deep and meaningful
can create expectations that may easily halt our growth, lest we
lose the people we hold dear to us.


 


When expectations are deeply rooted, and any deviation from the
norm causes discomfort, our tendency is to hold tightly to worn
out patterns. It’s easier to let the urge to evolve pass than it
is to risk the possibility of losing the people we love.


 


Yet, change is the only real constant, and it’s necessary for
living life. I suppose that’s why they say that some people show
up in our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. The
problem is that we get attached to the people we call friends,
and often seek to force “a lifetime” onto those who were really
meant for a reason or a season.


 


Unable to understand what’s really happening, we hold tightly to
our friendships and unconsciously smash the flower of change
braving its way to the surface. Unaware that acceptance begins on
the inside, we search for approval on the outside. Their confused
and uncomfortable expressions taunt us back into old patterns.


 


This is why moving helps us grow. Moving allows us to create
ourselves anew, with much less fear of loss. New friends,
colleagues, and bosses are void of expectations, freeing us to
try on new behaviors and beliefs—ones more fitting for our own
evolution.


 


Of course the problem with too much “new” is the lack of depth
offered by time and experiences. Fortunately, for most of us, the
potential for change on the inside is far greater than change in
location. So, the real question becomes, how do we graciously
allow for evolution in our own minds, bodies, and spirits?


 


In next weeks post, we are going to discuss this very topic: how
to evolve, graciously.


 


Here’s to Your Greatness,


 


Misti Burmeister


 


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