Intendaware: How to Systematically Increase Your Self-Confidence

Confidence comes from the Latin word confide, which means to
entrust. Self-confidence, then, is about learning to trust
yourself with yourself. Just as it takes experiences over time to
trust others, trusting in your own experience of life requires
that same kind of intention and attention.


 


Remember the first time you sat behind the steering wheel of a
car to drive? With your heart pumping, you tried to remember all
the critical elements of driving, like gas! Too focused on
adjusting the mirrors, getting your seat just right and thinking
through all the rules of the road, you completely forgot to look
at the gas gauge.


 


Caught up in the busyness of traffic five minutes into your
lesson, your instructor asks, “Without looking at the gauge, how
much gas do we have?”


 


Clueless, you add check gas gauge to your mental checklist for
your next excursion.


After several months, you start getting the hang of this driving
thing, pass your test and venture out on the road alone for the
first time, loving the freedom. Before you know it, you’re flying
down the road, blaring music, while eating a burger and joking
with friends.


 


How did you go from gripping the steering wheel to grabbing a
bite, while effortlessly shifting in and out of lanes? The
obvious answer is intendaware.


 


Intendaware: To intentionally become aware of the beliefs and
behaviors that enable results you want. (I’ll be sure to add the
word to Wikipedia soon.)


 


By intentionally becoming aware of the various elements of
driving, you shifted your critical checklist over to automatic
behaviors.


 


Gaining self-confidence works the same way. By intentionally
becoming aware of your behaviors and results, you increase
self-awareness. Such awareness, along with a heavy dose of
compassion, leads to an increase in self-confidence.


 


The better you understand and like yourself, the greater your
self-confidence will be. The challenge comes in when you discover
behaviors or beliefs you dislike, which almost always leads to
criticism—self-inflicted, mostly.


 


Just as you quickly discovered that you forgot to look at the gas
gauge, you will undoubtedly begin finding areas for improvement
in your own behaviors. While such mistakes are acceptable
(expected, really) when learning to drive, we do not naturally
grant ourselves permission to not know in most areas of life,
ourselves included.


 


It’s actually this lack of permission that leads to defending the
very behaviors that produce results we don’t want. Thus, as Carl
Young once said, “What you resist persists.”


 


By giving yourself permission to not know yourself, you give
yourself a chance to discover. The great news is that discovery
(awareness) itself is the most important element to shifting
behaviors, and therefore results. Once you are aware of the fact,
for example, that your opinions are not being taken seriously in
the boardroom, you can begin investigating the beliefs and
behaviors that may be causing this result.


 


With such authentic curiosity, you may quickly find that you have
unintentionally avoided taking a seat at the table while
simultaneously increasing your pitch when sharing ideas. Without
recognizing it, you may have set yourself up for being glossed
over or ignored. By remaining focused on discovery (awareness),
you can gain insights without fighting (resisting) and begin
experimenting with new behaviors and beliefs.


 


You may find that certain behaviors challenge your belief system
and then need time to sort out what beliefs will most closely
support the evolution of your spirit, along with the attainment
of your goals.


 


While this is not the easiest work on the planet, it is the most
reliable way to systematically increase your confidence.


 


Confidence comes with knowing, knowing comes with discovery and
discovery is a lifelong process that commands heaps of humor,
hugs and hustle. So sit back, grab a cup of tea, open your
notebook and get ready to begin incorporating the top 10 daily
habits to increased confidence—up next week.


 


Here’s to your greatness,


 


Misti Burmeister