72. How to develop emotional attunement

Have you ever been struggling emotionally and a partner,
colleague or caregiver overlooked you or made you feel worse? “I
would have never let that happen,” is uttered or implied. Or an
important other misses your emotional needs altogether
and just focuses on themselves. When this invalidation or
dismissal happens in a key relationship or two repeatedly over
years, it can create a trauma of omission. It's about what you
are not getting so you don't know you are missing it. One learns:
“No one is going to help me when I feel like a failure, excluded
or down. I have to turn my feelings off on my own.” Abandoning
your inner emotional life in service of what others are
comfortable with or what your professional culture rewards.


 


In this episode, you will learn about chronic misattunement and
how, instead of playing-it-safe by avoiding or placating, you can
learn skills of self-care and how to ask for your needs to be met
with the people that matter. Attunement is to show interest in
another's world. How they've been impacted by something they've
experienced and what that experience means to them. I interviewed
Kelly Werner Ph.D., who kindly shares her understanding and
approach to struggles driven by chronic misattunement. 


 


Key Takeaways





What is chronic misattunement?

Playing-it-safe moves related to chronic misattunement

How chronic misattunement shows up in relationships

A.T.T.U.N.E (acronym) Process to heal from chronic
misattunement



 


(*) Show notes and resources of this episode


(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and
actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe


(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes
and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in
your head


(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr.
Z. ACT courses


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