78. How to push back social perfectionism

When was the last time you had a social mishap in a conversation?
Do you remember how it feels to say the wrong thing at the wrong
time?


If you’re a shy person or are struggling with social anxiety or
social perfectionism, you are holding onto the beliefs that you
must sound smart, interesting, or funny; that there should never
be awkward silences in conversations; that you shouldn’t stumble
over words; that you should never mispronounce a word.


Ways that you may manage those thoughts and the anxiety that come
with them are by avoiding social situations, rehearsing over and
over what you are going to say and how you are saying it, only
talking to people you feel comfortable with, or comparing your
social performance with others’ social performance.


When you are unable to meet this perfectionistic social standard,
you feel that you have failed. But the truth is that none of us
can live up to this perfectionistic social standard or have
perfect social performances. When we start to accept this and
stop automatically playing-it-safe, we feel better about
ourselves and have less anxiety in social situations.


In this conversation with Julian McNally, we discussed acceptance
and commitment skills for anxiety related to social situations.


Key Takeaways





How to live your values

How to practice commitment

Playing-it-safe 

How to manage negativity biases

How to deal with comparison thoughts

Context sensitivity






(*) Show notes and resources of this episode


(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and
actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe


(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes
and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in
your head


(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr.
Z. ACT courses


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