Episode 22: Who Voted?

Thousands* of you wrote to us asking for Election Day guidance.
Sadly, we don’t have time to evaluate every candidate in every
race. Instead, we commissioned the handy YLNT Voter’s
Guide you’ll find below. We recommend you print it onto
waterproof paper, fold it into a tiny square, and hide it in your
mouth as you enter the voting booth.


Of course, this simple checklist can’t cover every scenario. But
we did try to make our guidelines as broadly applicable as
possible:


VOTE FOR:
Yourself. If you are on the ballot, give yourself the vote.
Don’t overthink this one. Any witch/warlock. A candidate who
gained/lost more than 30 lbs. for a role in a movie or play. (Shows
dedication.)

VOTE AGAINST:
Anyone who has given you a venereal disease. John Denver. He is
dead. And a folk singer. A “human beatbox.” Filibuster nightmare.

Listen to the episode for many more helpful voting tips,
including some Election Day-specific pickup lines.


Also: Rappy pants and dentures, hats of the Seduction Community,
Pascal’s voting wager (Vote for Adam’s dad). No ice cream for the
handicapable. After two it’s quote unquote “me”. Love in a voting
booth, medieval jewelry vis-à-vis Hypercolor, Adam’s hypnotic
sexytime, and push presents.


*”Thousands”: from the Greek, meaning “zero.”


Photo by RS_Joe (detail).