Hot Combs, Safe Spaces, and Growing Up Black

For so many Black women, emotional safety started in the
kitchen.


The smell of Blue Magic, the sizzle of a straightening comb, the
sound of “Hold your ear” — those weren’t just routines. They were
rituals. In that chair by the stove, we found connection, care,
and permission to let our guards down.


Those moments — ordinary as they seemed — were often the first
time emotional safety showed up for us.
We didn’t always have the words for it back then, but we felt it.


And these aren’t just memories. They’re reminders.
Reminders that emotional safety is still possible, even if it
looks different now.


For Black women navigating life without those small sacred
spaces, this episode is an invitation:
To name the need.
To remember you still deserve to be held.
And to reclaim the truth that emotional safety isn’t new — it’s
something we’ve known in our bones all along.
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Shirl is the creator of Support Languages and host of Shades of
Strong — a movement shifting the narrative from Strong Black
Woman to Supported Black Woman through language, rest, and real
support.