You Give a F*ck Way Too Much | The Emotional Labor of it All

Have you ever rewritten the same text five times just to make
sure it didn’t sound too harsh?

Ever softened your “no” so it wouldn’t feel like rejection?

Ever held back your truth to avoid being called “too much”?


Yeah… me too.


In this episode, I’m naming the emotional labor Black women carry
just to be seen as “easy.” I’m talking about the constant
back-bending, the tiptoeing, the fear of being left — and how all
of that is tied to the way we’ve been conditioned to over-care.


I talk about the fear of being misunderstood, the pressure to be
liked, the desire not to make things weird. I share what it
looked like for me to stop bending, stop rewriting, and stop
managing everyone else’s comfort just so I wouldn’t be left. We
explore the weight of emotional labor — how it shows up in our
texts, our boundaries, and the ways we shrink ourselves to stay
connected. And I offer a truth that might be hard to sit with:
support that costs you your peace isn’t really support.


This one is for the Black woman who’s tired of carrying everyone
else’s reactions.

Because support should feel like ease — not emotional gymnastics.
And emotional labor and support are not the same
thing.
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Shirl is the creator of Support Languages and host of Shades of
Strong — a movement shifting the narrative from Strong Black
Woman to Supported Black Woman through language, rest, and real
support.