Rebuilding Your Capacity to Be Held

Today we’re talking about receiving support as a Black woman—and
why it still feels hard, even when it’s soft and real.


What happens when someone shows up for you with tenderness and
care… and your first instinct is to flinch?


What do you do when support is being offered—but your body
doesn’t know how to let it in?


This episode started with a comment from my daughter…
And what should’ve felt like joy, pride, even gratitude—turned
into hesitation. Doubt. A quiet refusal to receive.


So today, we’re getting into the deep, unspoken patterns around
receiving support as a Black woman—especially
when you’ve been conditioned to be the strong one, the giver, the
safe space for everybody else.


We’re talking about the ways emotional safety
and mindful care can still feel like a threat,
even when we want them.


How support can feel unfamiliar.
How softness can feel suspicious.
And how healing often starts with noticing the moment you want to
push it all away.


If your Support Language is Emotional Safety or Mindful Care,
this one might speak directly to your nervous system.
Because this episode isn’t about “being open.”
It’s about building the capacity to receive—slowly, gently,
without guilt.


So if you’ve ever felt yourself shrink when someone tried to hold
you,
If you’ve ever pushed love away before it could land,
If you’re still learning what it means to feel safe in softness…


This is your invitation to start again.
To be held—without apology.
One quiet moment at a time.
Resources to Support You:


Take the Support Language Quiz. and learn
how you actually receive support best.


Join Shades of Strong on Substack  for
deeper convos that don’t always make it to the mic


Follow Shades of Strong on
Instagram for daily inspiration.


Be a Guest on the Show


www.shadesofstrong.com



Shirl is the creator of Support Languages and host of Shades of
Strong — a movement shifting the narrative from Strong Black
Woman to Supported Black Woman through language, rest, and real
support.