15: Overcome Shame Habits to Stop Porn Addiction

Sometimes we as addicts have troubles looking outside of
ourselves. We may experience difficulty listening to others'
troubles and being present for their physical or emotional
needs. 


This is not because we are inherently selfish, but because our
past trauma and shame habits can make it hard for us to connect
with others and look outside of ourselves, thus leading to
unfortunately selfish acts, such as porn addiction. 


Empathy and addiction do not coexist very well. This can be a
hard truth for many of us addicts to face, but until we do we
cannot change. We hold a lot of fear and shame inside, in other
words we are afraid that the bad things that happened in the past
- neglect, betrayal, failure -  will happen again, and we
question our worthiness of love.


We get stuck in an endless cycle of detachment and anger, rather
than facing the underlying feelings of insecurity and
unworthiness (shame habits) that follow us around everywhere we
go. 


We addicts desperately want those around us to feel loved and
cared for. We want to be good and do good. It’s just that our own
insecurities get in the way, and we don’t know how to overcome
them; to get out of the cycle of fear, shame, and addiction that
leads to selfish acts. 


It’s not that we’re selfish, just temporarily damned in our
progression, much as scripture states sinners are “damned to
hell” - trapped in a cycle of suffering until we experience a
fundamental change of heart through voluntary humility and God’s
grace. 


To feel true empathy, we addicts must find a new way of thinking
and acting. Our own selfishness will continue to bar us from
meaningful relationships until we can humble ourselves enough and
be self-compassionate enough to put down our “shame-shield” that
blocks us from love, and realize that we and those around us are
all worthy of love in God’s eyes.


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