GUEST SERIES | Dr. Paul Conti: How to Build and Maintain Healthy Relationships

This is episode 3 of a 4-part special series on mental health with
Dr. Paul Conti, M.D., a psychiatrist who did his medical training
at Stanford School of Medicine and residency at Harvard Medical
School. He is the author of the book, “Trauma: The Invisible
Epidemic.” Dr. Conti explains how to find, develop and strengthen
healthy relationships — including romantic relationships, work and
colleague relationships, and friendships. He explains a roadmap of
the conscious and unconscious mind that can allow anyone to
navigate conflicts better and set healthy boundaries in
relationships. We also discuss common features of unhealthy
relationships and clinically supported tools for dealing with
relationship insecurity, excessive anxiety, past traumas,
manipulation and abuse. Dr. Conti explains how, in healthy
relationships, there emerges a dynamic of the mutually generative
“us” and how to continually improve that dynamic. The next episode
in this special series explores true self-care, which can be
cultivated through a process of building self-awareness along with
other important practices.   For the full show notes,
visit hubermanlab.com. Thank you to our sponsors
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(00:00:00) Build Healthy Relationships (00:02:04) Sponsors:
BetterHelp & Waking Up (00:05:01) Healthiest Self in
Relationships (00:10:51) Structure & Function of Self
(00:15:44) Relationships, Levels of Emergence (00:22:48) Generative
Drive in Relationships (00:35:00) Sponsor: AG1 (00:36:26)
Generative Drive, Aggressive Drive, Pleasure Drive (00:45:16)
Romantic Relationships & Matched Generative Drives, Trauma
Bonds (00:53:05) Generative Drive Expression, Libido, Giving &
Taking (01:04:29) Sponsor: Eight Sleep (01:05:50) Generative Drive
in Partnerships (01:11:16) Libido, Avoidance & Working through
Barriers (01:18:02) Repeating Bad Relationship Patterns, Repetition
Compulsion (01:29:23) Narcissism, Dependence, Attachment Insecurity
(01:34:10) Abusive Relationships, Demoralization (01:39:37)
Oppressors, Darkness, Hope & Change (01:48:08) Work
Relationships, Oppression & Accountability (01:53:53) Jealousy
vs. Envy, Narcissism (01:59:13) Power Dynamics in Relationships
(02:05:54) Giving vs. Taking in Relationships (02:09:39)
Transactions & Relationships; Family & Generative Drive;
Flexibility (02:19:47) Relationships & Kindergarten (02:23:04)
Anxiety in Relationships, Communication (02:31:32) The “Magic
Bridge of the Us” (02:37:09) Mentalization, Getting into Another’s
Mindset; Navigating Conflict (02:46:51) Healthy Boundaries
(02:52:08) Self-Awareness, Mentalization (02:55:28) “Broken
Compass” & Self Inquiry, “Map” Analogy (03:02:25) Zero-Cost
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