Parents and Teens: Our Roles, Relationships, and Struggles with Adam Bertoch, LMFT, LCDC

Being a parent to a teen can feel almost as tumultuous as being
in adolescence itself. This crucial developmental stage where
children are supposed to experiment and explore can be
conflict-ridden when parents respond in a critical, controlling
way. According to today’s guest, Adam Bertoch, parents have to
move past the idea of ‘stop behaviors’ and instead look at what
‘start behaviors’ they can encourage in their teenage children.
This is just one of the incredible insights this Woodlands,
Texas-based Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor (LCDC) and
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) shares with us. In
this episode, we talk about the trauma that comes from unmet
expectations and disappointment, which is something every human
being will face. Rather than trying to shield our teenagers from
this inevitability, Adam believes that parents have to be
reflective guides, being transparent and vulnerable, and modeling
healthy coping mechanisms. Adam stresses the importance of
honesty over perfection, something a lot of parents struggle
with. We also discuss being curious about emotions rather than
judging ourselves for feeling whatever we may be going through.
As the gateway into adulthood, the adolescent years are filled
with inner conflicts, so we unpack how parents and teenagers can
establish expectations of the relationships to meet their
respective needs. The conversation also touches on self-esteem
struggles and establishing value, dealing with addiction or
mental health challenges as a family, and why anyone can overcome
any trauma they have faced. Be sure to tune in today!





Key Points From This Episode:


Get to know Adam and what his Licensed Chemical Dependency
Counselor qualification entails.

Why unmet expectations are considered traumatic and how they
influence mental health.

The purpose of adolescence and why experimentation and
exploration are crucial to this developmental stage.

How parents can understand the turbulent teen years and find
a connection with their children.

Adam’s five guidelines for parents of teens to consider.

How parents and teens can get on the same page about their
expectations of one another.

Why a curious rather than a critical approach helps parents
respond to difficult emotions.

Questions to ask to cultivate a sense of curiosity about what
you are feeling.

The benefits of being honest as a parent rather than trying
to be perfect.

Avoid rhetorical questions; they usually evoke defensive or
self-deprecating responses.

How the levels of dependency between parent and child evolve
over time.

Trying to control emotions is harmful, so teach your children
how to cope with their feelings.

Navigating self-esteem issues as a parent while guiding your
children through theirs.

Tips on establishing value and building up your own worth.

What the zone of proximal development can teach us about our
capabilities.

Why Adam believes that human beings can overcome any trauma.

How parents of teens struggling with addiction or mental
health problems should approach parenting.

Acknowledging your limitations as a parent and sharing them
with your children.






Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:


On The Mend Counseling


Adam Bertoch on LinkedIn


Erik Erikson's Stages of Psychosocial Development


True and the Rainbow Kingdom


Brené Brown


Zone of Proximal Development and Scaffolding