How to Deal with Lack of Acknowledgement

A while ago I told you the story of how I started writing. I
still can’t explain why and how exactly that happened. But after
the first poem, which I wrote I’ve been writing on and off for 20
years already.


Just like most of you I did not share my writings with the world
and kept them to myself. I did not even read most of what I’d
written, because I loved and enjoyed the process of writing more
than the result itself.


After a while though I decided to show it to my mum to get
opinion. I handed her the piece of paper with my hand written
poem on it and asked to tell what she thought. Mum took it, read
it and told only two words - “not bad”. Although the feedback was
not negative, I took it exactly that way. The expression of her
face and the way she pronounced those two words sort of showed
that she meant just the opposite of what she said. And although,
maybe I have let it go, I have not forgotten that moment. That
was my very first experience facing criticism.


Was I upset? Yes, I was.


Did I stop writing? No, I didn’t.


I kept on writing in the evenings in my room while listening to
music through my earphones and drinking beer straight from the
bottle. I was aware of the fact that most 16 year old girls spent
their evenings differently, but honestly I did not care.


Then one day I saw announcement about a poetry competition in the
UK. Back then they were asking for real hard copy letters. So the
next day I was at the post office sending the poem I had shown to
mum to the competition. I thought that the jury might know things
better…


I sent the letter and completely forgot about it. That is until I
received a reply.


I held the closed envelope and took some time to collect courage
and open it. When I finally did and read the letter I absolutely
had to show it to my mum. There were two main messages I wanted
her to read from there. The first one said that according to the
jury I had talent (which I did not believe btw) and the second
message said that I was among the semi-finalists of the
competition.


So what happened next?


Well it appears that after jury’s letter and acknowledgment mum
took my writings more seriously. I can’t tell she liked them -
she still probably didn’t, but she accepted the fact and believed
this time that my writings were “not bad”.


Those who have heard me tell that you as a writer don’t need
anyone’s permission and acknowledgment to write and be a writer
might think that I contradict myself. But I don’t.


Let me explain.


The thing is… that letter did not change much in how I saw my
writings. It did boost my ego a bit, I admit… but I still did not
think I had talent, I still enjoyed the process more than the
result and I still did not consider what I did as something more
serious than a hobby and escape from the reality.


What the acknowledgement did was impress others and bring in
credibility to what I wrote in other people’s eyes, not mine.
Somehow it seems like others need that acknowledgement more than
yourself. It impresses people and makes them look at you with
different eyes. But does that acknowledgement change the way you
write? Does it make you a better writer? Does it change you as a
writer at all?


I think the reason it did not change much in me was that I was
writing for myself at that stage. I did not need to share my
writing, I did not aim to publish my poems and I was not looking
for a fame. I knew I could write, I loved doing it and I wrote to
either cope with the