07: Sas Petherick - Heart and Hearth Circle

Sas Petherick is a big-hearted, cognitive coach for real
women. She shows women how to experience a life of love,
meaning, and joy by thinking on purpose. Sas is an in-demand
certified coach, the creator of Rethink Group Coaching programs,
and co-host of “The Heart and Hearth Circle.” Sas’ energy, smarts,
humour and intuition guide every transformational coaching session
and sold out retreat. Find out how to amplify your life with
curiosity and kindness here. Sas believes that being
childfree was a conscious, personal choice. It’s
mostly because she felt ambivalent and never had that ‘pull’ to
have a child.  It has taken a number of years to come to a
conclusive place with the decision. She is very happy to be
childless although it’s taken time to get to that place.
Sas got divorced at 32 and felt like that part of her life
was over. Many people said to her that once she met
the right person then she wouldn’t hesitate. She later met Ash, her
husband when she was 35, and they had an intimate conversation on
their second date about having children. She informed him that it
wasn’t something she had in mind and asked him if he was okay with
that. It was a very important conversation to have and was their
first personal discussion. They then got married and discussed the
concept of having children for many years. They’ve been together
for more than 7 years and still wonder from time to time if they’ve
made the right decision. Fortunately, Sas and her husband continue
to believe they have made the right choice. She came to
the conclusion that once you meet the right person, you’ll make the
right choice (whatever that may be). When you are not 100%
certain of your own position and are still deciding, for someone to
then question what you’re not certain about, can make you feel
vulnerable and exposed. That can be a challenging
place to be in. It can be uncomfortable when we feel we have to
defend ourselves. It’s important to realise that it’s okay to be in
the uncertainty…live the life that you want to live. Did
you feel influence from your family or friends that made that made
it more difficult? Or were they understanding about your
decision? In the past, most of the friendships that
Sas developed were through work or travel. She found that she
needed to be mindful of who she chose to reveal that vulnerability
to. It’s about being respectful of the people we talk to about
this. Her mother passed away about a decade ago. She was a
psychiatric nurse who worked with women who suffered from
post-natal depression. She was a brilliant example to Sas of a
woman who was nurturing and mothering. Sas believes that more and
more women are deciding that motherhood is not the right choice for
them and because of that, can be easier to find people who share
your same views and position. What are your thoughts about
the question, “Who’s going to look after you when you’re
older?”  “My standard comeback is about the beautiful
Spanish male nurse that I hire.” (Me too please!) Sas says that she
has a pact with a few of her close friends that they’ll pitch in
and buy a house together and hire some hot Spanish nurses. As we
are an increasingly ageing population, it will be more of a reality
of friends getting together and living with each other when they’re
older. The exciting thing for women who are not going to have
children is that you’ve got thirty or forty years ahead of you
where you could whole-heartedly focus on something meaningful and
fulfilling. One of the key reasons for making the choice to be
childless was: The immense freedom with opportunities and
possibilities in her future. A common question is:
 “What does your life mean if you don’t have
children?” It can be confronting but you can reveal
to yourself a lot of interesting, exciting, and not of the “norm”
answers for yourself. For Sas, it was about trusting her intuition
and trusting her inner voice. That possibility and freedom feels
very exciting to her. Do you have advice for somebody who
is struggling with how to respond to people questioning them about
being childless?  Sas believes that if you are in a
place of not knowing what the answer is and people are questioning
you, saying, “I don’t know yet” is perfect. “Thank you for your
interest, I really don’t know yet” is also a reasonable response.
It’s really about letting other peoples’ voices wash over you. This
is true for anyone else’s opinion about anything in your life.
What would you like to leave as your legacy or message of
the values that are important to you? A statement
that Sas read a while ago that really stuck out to her was,
“A hundred years after you die, no one will speak of your
name.” That idea filled her with such relief that she can
just live the life she wants to live without anyone having to judge
her about it. Sas says don’t live your life worrying about what
other people will think of you. Freedom is a huge benefit
that you experience without having children. For Sas,
it gives her intellectual freedom, financial freedom, and spiritual
freedom. Without children, she doesn’t have anyone dependent on
her, which gives her the space and freedom to play, create, and do
what she wants to do.