08: Lori Portka and her Infinite Purpose

Lori Portka is a licensed artist whose
mission is to spread love and happiness through the art she
creates. Utilising bright and colourful imagery, her messages are
about gratitude, being true to yourself, and extending kindness to
others. She creates artwork by sitting quietly in front of a blank
canvas giving thanks for sacred time to create. Lori believes that
artwork carries energy and feels she’s called to spread love and
healing through her paintings. She illustrated Crazy Sexy Love
Notes, an inspirational card deck, published by Hay House and
was featured in a short documentary film called, “Gratitude Grows”
about her hundredth painting Gratitude Project. She’s about to
release a book titled Infinite Purpose. Lori’s greeting cards,
prayer flags, and stationery gifts are carried in more than a
hundred locations in the US, Canada, France, and Australia.
See here. For Lori, being childless was a combination
of personal choice and circumstances. What were
the subjects that you explored during that process?  What were
some of the questions that arose? “A big question for me
was that I wondered if there was something wrong with me. I went
through a lot of years of ‘why am I not like how I thought all
other women were?.’ Now I know it’s not true. There are lots of
other women who feel the same as I do. I went through a phase of
‘what’s wrong with me?’ and ‘will I regret it?’ I remember having a
period of fear around the possibility of future regret. Did
you feel any pressure from family or friends?  "My
mother felt like she lost a lot of her life in having kids and she
would voice that from time to time. I know that I was a mistake and
she was devastated because she felt like she was going to be free
until she got pregnant with me. This was stuff I was aware of early
on. I think my mom felt, ‘Go Lori! You’re free!’ Although she’s
never said that directly to me, that’s the underlining feeling I
have."  It’s true that the majority of pregnancies are
unplanned. What compelled you to stay quiet about the
topic? It brought up a lot of shame. Lori
had the fear of what people would think. It forced her to face all
her feelings. There was much grief involved, even though she
felt clear that she didn’t want kids from the time she was young.
She also had to grieve 'not wanting' and 'not having'. Were
you letting go of the possibility of that reality? 
"It was letting go of the need for life to be any different.
Letting go of what society thinks a woman’s life should look like
and also accepting myself for how I am and my life for the way it
is." Looking back on her life, Lori sees that it made perfect sense
that she didn’t have children. She’s now remarried and her husband
already had children. She’s now a step-parent and her relationship
with her stepdaughter, Katie, is very strong. Although she
identifies herself as a woman without children, she’s able to
connect with Katie and build a close relationship and strong
connection with her. Her stepdaughter is a huge gift in her
life and feels that she wouldn’t be this close to her stepdaughter
if she had her own biological children. You didn’t
completely immerse yourself into your artwork until you were in
your 30s. How did that come about?  Lori's
divorce was a huge life-changing event and changed the direction of
her life. She was teaching and counseling at the time but wasn’t
feeling fulfilled and was starting to get burnt out. When
everything was turned upside down, she was devastated and felt that
she needed to take care of herself or she was going to fall into a
pit. She knew that it would be beneficial to start being creative.
Shortly after her husband left, she went to the art store, bought
supplies, and poured her feelings out on paper. She started
creating art and she really loved it. This was how her art started.
Very soon after she read the book The Artist’s Way by
Julia Cameron. She felt she was a “shadow artist”, as her
ex-husband was an artist and many great friends were artists, but
she never created anything until after her divorce. What
advice would you give to women who want to explore their creative
potential?  Creativity is healing so go toward what
you are drawn to. Don’t be afraid to take that first step. Do it
for fun. Was there anything that held you back from
creating art?  Lori loved creating when she was
little (she made greeting cards) but believed that you couldn’t
make money as an artist. She thought you needed a secure, stable
job. She was intimidated by people who had art degrees and she
doubted that she could ever make a career out of it. What
are the other ways that you nurture yourself? An important
way was to accept her feelings. Lori has a tendency to want to feel
good all the time so she would push down the feelings that aren’t
so good. “If I let myself feel the way I feel, stop all the
craziness, and let the hard feelings come, then it would be a
peaceful way to mentally be with myself. It’s loving myself through
it. Giving myself permission to feel the feelings." How did
you decide to create the Gratitude Project? “For me doing
my artwork is all about spreading love and happiness. I believe
that my purpose in the world is to hold a space of love.” Lori is
very sensitive and open. She saw that as a negative thing for a
long time. Now she see herself as a peacemaker in the world and she
believes that’s part of her job. Artwork to her is spreading love
and healing and happiness around and she knows a huge part of that
is gratitude. She wants to live from a space of gratitude.
What else are the major benefits of not having
children? Lori believes a big benefit of not having
children is having freedom and open space. She loves how convenient
it is not worrying about school districts or making sure she
provides a good place for them. Therefore, she’s able to focus on
her husband and have quality time with him. Lori also enjoys the
financial benefits and is extremely grateful for that too.
What would you like to leave the world as your
legacy?  "Being a person filled with love and
spreading love." Lori believes that her artwork is a part of her
legacy. “So many women feel that they’re on their own and isolated
and you realise that they’re not. It’s just that so many people
don’t talk about this openly.”   Find out more about
Lori's work here and order a copy of her upcoming book
"Infinite Purpose" here.