Returning to Unresolvable Conflicts

In relationships, there are conflicts that cannot be resolved
with a clear “right” or “wrong.” In fact, the Gottman Institute’s
research cites that nearly 70% of relationship conflicts are
unresolvable.


Earlier this year, Dan and Becky Allender talked through
unresolvable conflicts from their perspective of over four
decades of marriage. Now, we’re revisiting the topic with our
other co-host, Rachael Clinton Chen, and her husband Michael
Chen, who have been married since 2019.


Rachael and Michael explore the complexities of unresolvable
conflicts in marriage and share their personal insights about
navigating these challenging situations. They both emphasize the
importance of story work and how it’s given them a common ground
to understand and engage how they’re feeling. They also highlight
the importance of returning to one another after the moment to
engage those difficult conversations. In doing so, progress can
be made, even if it’s not immediate or exactly how either of you
would envision it. 


Rachael concludes the conversation by pointing out, “It's not by
avoiding conflict or sidestepping it or somehow finding a way
around it. It's actually often in the heart of the irresolvable
tension that I think the Spirit is making something new. And that
really can only be the work of the gospel.”


 


Listener Resources:




Listen to the episode, “Unresolvable Conflict” with Dan and
Becky Allender




Learn more about the Marriage Conference, happening this
October 13-14 in Park City Utah




Discover more marriage offerings from the Allender Center,
including our Marriage Online Course




* Source: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John
M. Gottman, PhD and Nan Silver, 2015