The American Gustation Crisis Of 1985

(This is a podcastification of an older article to observe the 30th
anniversary of the events discussed herein). In April 1985, it is
rumored that a collection of executives gathered at their corporate
headquarters for an emergency meeting. On the table before them sat
six small canisters which had been smuggled from their chief
competitor's manufacturing plant. Inside the metal cylinders lurked
a secret compound which represented the next strike in a
long-running war: an altered version of their rival's incredibly
successful *Merchandise 7X*. The substance was scheduled to be
released upon the public within mere days, and these men had
assembled to assess the threat. They were aware that billions of
dollars were at stake, but the true power of the revised chemistry
was beyond their reckoning. Ultimately, the contents of these
canisters would plunge the United States into a surreal turmoil the
likes of which had never before been seen. The 72 ounces of fluid
were portioned into sampling containers and passed around the room
with earnest resolve. Each man inspected his sample by ingesting it
orally, then smacking his tongue to allow the solution full access
to his taste buds. The men's impressions were mixed, yet the Pepsi
officials were forced to acknowledge that this "New Coke"
represented a serious threat. Today, the New Coke debacle of 1985
is usually looked upon as a blunder of monumental proportions;
however the ill-fated reformulation ultimately became one of the
most fortuitous and informative failures in human history.