Presuming Competence: Unlocking the Brilliance of Non-Speaking Autism | Ep 243

In this heartfelt conversation, Heidi Rome opens up about her
powerful journey with her son Ethan, who was diagnosed with
severe autism at age 5 and told he had the mental capacity of a
5-month-old infant. For years, she sought
to fix Ethan—turning to experts and therapies—only to
find herself drained, powerless, and without answers.


Everything shifted when Ethan, at 9 years old, was given
assistive technology at a school that presumed competence.
Suddenly, his brilliance and deep wisdom shone through. From that
moment, Heidi realized her role was not to fix, but to love.
Ethan’s words—“You just have to love me”—freed her to embrace
unconditional acceptance.


Now, after navigating the challenges of puberty and residential
schooling, Heidi is pioneering a groundbreaking community for
non-speaking autistic adults to thrive, belong, and contribute.
Her message is clear: love first, trust yourself, and release the
need to control.


Listen to the full interview here.


Learn more in Heidi’s book You Just Have to Love Me, where
she shares her lessons on self-trust, compassion, and honoring
the wisdom within.


Link to buy Heidi’s Book:
https://bit.ly/JustLoveMeBook


Offers:


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Episode Summary:Heidi's journey with her son
Ethan @ 00:00

Heidi shares the devastating news she received when Ethan, her
younger son, was diagnosed with severe autism at age 5 - that he
had the mental capacity of a 5-month-old infant. This led Heidi
on a years-long journey trying desperately to "fix" Ethan's
autism, seeking out experts and therapies, but to no avail. Heidi
felt hopeless and powerless, believing the experts knew better
than she did.



Discovering Ethan's true capabilities @ 06:34

When Ethan was 9 years old, Heidi found a school that presumed
competence in non-speaking autistic individuals and used
assistive technology to allow Ethan to communicate. This revealed
Ethan to be a highly intelligent, thoughtful, and insightful
young person, completely contradicting the earlier assessment of
his mental capacity. Heidi was shocked and amazed by Ethan's
ability to express himself.



Ethan's wisdom and Heidi's shift in perspective @ 10:12

As Heidi witnessed Ethan's profound communications, she had a
profound realization that her role was not to "fix" him, but
simply to love and support him. Ethan himself told Heidi "You
just have to love me" - taking the pressure off Heidi to change
or control him. This shifted Heidi's mindset from one of
desperation and fixing to one of...