Ep 104 Common Sense Holy Sh!t Moment

Listen in as we talk a little bit about Chris Voss’ book Never
Split the Difference and his Holy Sh!t Moment. Never Split the
Difference by Chris Voss is a real-life guide to negotiation. 
He was an FBI Hostage negotiator and describes real life situations
he was in.  In the book, he is wrestling with needing to
change the way the FBI questions hostage takers.  He gets
called in to a case his buddy is on and listens to the tapes they
have so far.  One drug dealer kidnapped another drug dealer’s
wife-funny they called the FBI.  So, Voss is listening to the
tapes and needing proof of life of the girlfriend.  Usually,
the negotiators would coach the boyfriend to ask a specific
directed question.  Voss gives the example of “What was the
name of the girlfriend’s teddy bear when she was little?”  The
problem with that question in my eyes is that it sounds
coached.  That doesn’t sound like a question a drug dealer
would ask.  Because the victim drug dealer had not been
coached, he pops of with, “Hey dog, how do I know she’s all
right?”  The hostage drug dealer was quiet for a moment and
then put the girlfriend on the phone.  Boom, holy shit
moment.  But, not because of what I think it is.  See I
think the this is awesome because it’s exactly the way the victim
drug dealer would talk to the hostage drug dealer.  It’s
common sense.  Voss liked that it was an open-ended how
question, asking the hostage taker for help.  As Voss says,
“how engages and how asks for help.” When you find yourself in a
negotiation, of any sort, that seems to get heated or is maybe not
going the way you want, ask a how question.  I mentioned last
week that we negotiate with ourselves daily and used baseball as an
example for our family.  A simple question to ask would be,
“How can I make the schedule benefit us all?”  When your kid
is having a fit, when your spouse is mad at you, when the car
negotiation isn’t going well, start with How. L Learn more about
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