Pokemon Rollout! Tapestry Radio Shakespeare Festival 2017 Special (or, "Bro...Bro, You Can Trust Me, Bro")

August is Shakespeare Festival Month here at the Tapestry Radio
Network Headquarters, so enjoy this bard-inspired episode featuring
your favorite trainers' Pokemon venturing out on their very own
journey!  The Archetypes feel a call to settle some matter
that only they can settle, so they venture forth, don their
deerstalkers, and uncover the truth in a tale of woe, hearing of
carnal, bloody, and unnatural acts, of accidental judgments, casual
slaughters, of deaths put on by cunning and forced cause, and, in
this upshot, purposes mistook fall'n on the inventors' heads, a
tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing!
All this can we truly deliver: