Why Married Couples Must Be Open to Children

Do you have any “expectations” when you think about marriage? A lot
of us probably think of marriage as broadly the same thing: two
people coming together in love to spend the rest of their lives
together. But when we start to dive into the specifics of that
idea, it’s important to recognize what expectations are of the
world, and which are of God. One of these expectations could be the
willingness to have kids. The Church teaches, however, that in the
case of sacramental marriage, it is asked and even expected of the
couple that they be open to life throughout their marriage. This is
why the priest performing the ceremony and marriage prep asks the
couple if they are freely, fruitfully, fully, and faithfully
entering the sacrament with their spouse. Unfortunately, our world
often tells us that marriage doesn’t need to be open to life.
People will even sometimes say it’s selfish and reckless to bring
children into a world that is so broken. But the truth of the
matter is that a marriage can’t be sacramental without an openness
to life, and that’s a big deal. Children are the purpose of
marriage. It’s the one relationship where people have kids. Now, of
course, people have sex outside of marriage that could result in
kids, but we recognize that the act of sex is best placed in the
context of a commited, lifelong relationship, such as marriage.
Because of this, an openness to children must be present in a
relationship for that couple to pursue a sacramental marriage. It’s
a gift of self to another, ordered towards the procreation and
education of children. Now, what about couples who can’t have kids,
or are past the age of childbearing? Those marriages are no less
sacramental than the ones that have children, so long as they’re
still open to the procreation of children. It’s the orientation
towards the task of procreation that’s important, not the
achievement of it. Bottom line is, sacramental marriage is a gift
of self towards another, totally, fruitfully, fully, and
faithfully. Without an openness to life and the procreation of
children, this gift of self is not full, and therefore does not
hold the ability to be a sacrament of God. It’s an essential part
of God’s plan for romantic intimacy, and must be separated from
whatever “expectations” the world may have for marriage.