51. Tantrums are Common and Meltdowns are Inevitable

In this episode, I talk in-depth about the differences in
tantrums and meltdowns.  Their behaviors may look similar
but it is important for us as parents to be able to identify the
differences so that we know how to best help them.  


With a tantrum, the child is generally choosing to engage in the
behavior because of their want for something or escaping
something that they don’t want. They are usually acting out to
get a reaction from someone else.  A key identifier in a
tantrum is that it will end abruptly if given what they want or
allowed to escape what it is they are resisting.


The first thing that you need to figure out is what is he or she
trying to gain from the tantrum? Do they want something that they
cannot have? Are they trying to escape something or somewhere
that they don’t want to be or something that they don’t want to
do?


It’s important to practice replacement behaviors with them and
teach them appropriate ways to get their needs met.


Always keep your emotional AND verbal reactions minimal when it
comes to a tantrum.


When a meltdown occurs, it is because the child’s brain is
overwhelmed, and they are literally in a fight or flight
reaction. Their level of stress in their current setting has
escalated to a point where they lose control and are unable to
cope with their environment.


Here is what I can tell you, the majority of times when a
meltdown is happening it is because they are trying to escape
something that is overwhelming and they are not seeking to GAIN
anything. They might feel unsafe or the social demands of the
situation are simply too much for them to navigate.


Typical behavior techniques that we would use for a tantrum will
not work during a meltdown. Their sensory system and brain are so
overloaded and overwhelmed that they physically cannot respond.
 Meltdowns are highly unpredictable and can come on suddenly
and sometimes without any notice.


The most effective strategy for reducing meltdowns is to figure
out strategies that will lead to avoiding the meltdown, to begin
with.


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