Creating Safety for LGBTQ Latter-day Saints in the Bishop’s Office

This is a rebroadcast. The episode originally ran in August
2020.  Blake works in the Brigham Young University Office of
Success and Inclusion, offering confidential support to people who,
for various reasons, feel marginalized. The goal is to help student
body members feel unity. Previously he worked in the BYU University
Relations office. One of his main areas of focus is helping LGBT
students. He is a returned missionary. Highlights 3:24 Blake’s
personal experience helps him relate. How he has navigated that
journey before, during and since his mission. Positive things
Church leaders, family and friends have done to support him and
help him feel valued and loved. Dealing with feelings of
denial/shame/perfectionism. 10:50 Learning to value certain life
challenges and feeling unconditional love from God and others.
12:00 The Success and Inclusion office provides support for
individuals on campus facing challenges re: race, religion, gender,
sexuality. Their support group may be otherwise small. How students
are referred to this office. Why go there and not to a therapist?
Guiding those who perceive discrimination. 17:00 The vast majority
of stories he hears about interactions with Church leaders are
positive, but occasionally the perception is that the interaction
did not go well. 18:20 How Church leaders can manage expectations
when inviting someone to the office and during the meeting in the
office. Reducing anticipatory tension. Responsibilities of both
parties, i.e. Church leader and the ward member. Increasing the
comfort level. Active listening is vital. Don’t offer canned
responses. People want to feel understood. Drawing on the
principles of listening espoused in Preach My Gospel. Good
listening techniques. 33:13 Leaders and counselors can show
vulnerability and develop skill as to how to “prime the pump” to
help someone who feels exhausted emotionally by just showing up.
Don’t make them feel rushed. 39:49 Post-meeting anxieties. The
individual may need reassurance in the days following a crucial
conversation meeting. Helping those counseled to feel valued for
who they are and not just based on certain decisions/behaviors they
may have thus far exhibited. 44:00 Vulnerability hangover—the
person feeling exhausted after they have shared deep things.
Ensuring they see that what they told you hasn’t changed for the
worse your feelings about them as a person. Body language can make
them feel awkward. They may feel uncertainty regarding the next
step after sharing. Manage expectations. Don’t exhibit
passive-aggressive avoidance. Good intentions usually show. If they
withdraw seek them out. 48:40 Having faith in God, not in a
specific outcome is helpful when the future feels otherwise
uncertain or hopeless. Avoiding comparisons with others. Journeys
are individual. Focus on Christ now. 53:38 Sitting in the tension
between faith and sexuality. Don’t feel your only way out is to get
rid of one of your sources of tension. If we overly focus on not
having any tension, we may give up something important. Feel the
joy of Christ. A leader can sit with someone in the tension even if
he/she can’t fix it. 58:40 Leaders can discern and focus on the
light in someone’s life. Light leads to more light. They need to
know that if their choices lead to hard things, you are still
there. Don’t give the feeling you are ending the relationship just
because they didn’t go the way you had hoped. Maintain a sustained
interest. 1:03:50 Spend time with LGBT people to get comfortable
with them and other things will fall into place. Information and
Links Find the BYU Office of Student Success and Inclusion at C-374
Abraham O. Smoot Building (ASB) or 2010 Wilkinson Student Center
Hope Works: Mourn With Those That Mourn Read the TRANSCRIPT of this
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