Leading with Authority & Equality | An Interview with Brooke Rasmussen

Brooke Rasmussen is completing her masters in Marriage and Family
Therapy at Whitworth University in Spokane, Washington and is an
intern at Partners with Families and Children, a social safety net
for families facing neglect and abuse. Brooke is passionate about
helping clients find personal and relational growth in their
marriages and teaches Gottman Institute Marriage Courses online
with her husband, Scott. Her research at Whitworth focuses on
pornography use and its connections to emotional intelligence.
Brooke and Scott traveled the world through his career as a
diplomat, living in Africa, Europe, and the Middle East before
putting down roots in Spokane with their eight children. Brooke's
experience as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day
Saints is fundamental to her development as a leader and thinker.
Highlights 02:15 Introduction to Brooke and the topic of personal
development 05:30 Brooke’s process of preparing for the Leading
Saints Women’s Conference 07:45 What is a vertical relationship?
10:00 In a vertical relationship, there are only winners and
losers. You are one up or one down. It can lead to pulling rank,
shaming, and others feeling less than. 14:30 Identifying our own
behaviors of trying to one up someone else 16:30 Kurt gives
examples of one-up situations 18:40 We go one down in a vertical
relationship when we are playing a victim role. When we are
minimizing our choices and acting like we are forced into things.
When we hide our needs or desires. 20:00 A one-down mindset can be
when we let others emotionally protect us or we try to protect
them. This happens a lot in families. Brooke gives examples of what
this looks like. 22:00 Playing small can be deflecting or self
deprecating. It’s ok to want to aspire. 24:30 Historically women
use the one-down spot for power. There is a victim power. 26:00 It
gets tricky with the one-down position by saying it's a Christlike
position 26:30 Brooke explains what it really means to turn the
other cheek 28:30 Christ invites us to have horizontal
relationships, where we are all on equal ground 29:40 The call of
Christianity isn’t a call to be a victim. It’s a call to step into
power. 30:40 If someone tries to one-up you then what does it look
like to bring them back down to a horizontal relationship? 31:30
Brooke shares her own personal experience of a marriage fight and
stopping the dynamic of trying to one-up each other 34:15 What to
do in a church meeting when you feel like you got bulldozed. Learn
to speak up for yourself and bring a meeting back to horizontal.
37:20 What can you do or say when someone else is playing the
one-down card and acting like they are fine? You know they are
trying to be accommodating. You can invite them to equal ground.
38:15 How anxiety plays into the horizontal and vertical
relationship dynamics 41:00 God has established horizontal
relationships and plans since the beginning of time. It’s not meant
to be a power struggle, that is why He established councils. 42:00
If you are receiving as much as you are giving then you aren’t
going to get burned out in your calling. It has to be a team effort
and a horizontal experience in our wards. 46:20 We shouldn’t
abolish all authority and priesthood keys but it's all about inner
intention. As a leader you can take the time to listen to everyone
and put yourself on equal ground with others. 49:30 What to do when
you have a tyrannical leader? Some people will refuse to step down.
51:30 There are real victims and perpetrators. We can still find
dignity in our situation and show respect for ourselves. Links The
Courage to Be Disliked, by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga
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