"Turning Towards": One Tool That Can Shift How You Feel About Your Partner

Each of us have a desire to be noticed, cared about, and
understood by our partner.  Gottman calls efforts to get
this kind of connection is called “an emotional bid.”  I
love this name, because it brings up an image of an art auction
with someone at the front looking around the room to see who is
willing to pay money for this item.  Someone in the audience
might raise their finger to indicate they are interested. 
Essentially we do the same thing for each other.  We hold up
something for our partner, and we hope for our partner’s
response—we want them to show they see us and value what we are
offering.  As partners, we get to decide whether we will
turn toward or away from our partner's emotional bid. 
Whether or not we do this consistency has a predictive influence
on the success of your partnership.  

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