The Cost and Reward of The Call

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**30 People Who Have Sadly Died By Suicide":
https://youtu.be/jOprMA3PiBg  


Today I poured out myself out from my deepest heart. It was not
compulsory, nor a work of the flesh. It was from my heart that is
connected to the heart of Jesus Christ. I say this with
confidence because I know Him, and I know when He is moving. I
woke up this morning with an overt penetrating sense within
myself to give. To give myself away on the behalf of Jesus
Christ. I felt that every little service to my family was being
done from a place within myself that was freshly opened and new.
It was as if I was literally doing everything towards the Lord.
As I went on, that giving of myself away was growing and
intensifying. The best way I can put it, was more like His life
in mine. A source other than myself.  It was like everything
that had a dull haze over it became a blessing of newness. I saw
that my life was meant for Jesus Christ. A demonstration of His
love outpoured in everything to everyone. 


A little while later, I went to do a some work answering emails.
I saw a video sent to me by a friend, a compilation of thirty
people who committed suicide. Along with their pictures, was a
brief story about who they were. One was a little eight year old
boy who cast himself off the building, which was his house. He
had been terribly abused my his parents. Apparently, that little
child chose to die and killed himself.   As I watched
this video I felt the power of the Holy Spirit well up within me
and I cried out in my mind, "Lord what am I doing! What is my
life!" It seemed as if I could then see in a vision a great ocean
before me filled up with drowning people. They were screaming for
help. It was night, and only me and perhaps a couple of others
swimming around them trying to save them. I saw that they were
only seconds from death and going into an eternity without
Christ. There were too many to save and too few of us.  I
cried. I sobbed. At the same time I felt so powerfully a great
knowing that Jesus Christ is so soon to return, and that is how
He wanted me to see it. I believe He is calling me. C.T. Studd
once said, “Some wish to live within the sound of a chapel bell,
I want to run a rescue shop within a yard of Hell.”  


He also said, "The “romance” of a missionary is often made up of
monotony and drudgery; there often is no glamour in it; it
doesn’t stir a man’s spirit or blood. So don’t come out to be a
missionary as an experiment; it is useless and dangerous. Only
come if you feel you would rather die than not come. Don’t come
if you want to make a great name or want to live long. Come if
you feel there is no greater honor, after living for Christ, than
to die for Him.”  The things I spoke about today were to me
from the Lord, but I know that He wanted me to tell you. We are
that close to His return. This is not a game, nor exercise, this
is eternal life and that life is in His Son. As Jackie Pullinger
said, "We don’t talk about ministries. I don’t have a ministry
either, I just have a life...the joy is not seeing them come
through, the joy is knowing Jesus. There is no other way to serve
Him, but giving up your life. And this is voluntary. This is not
a sentence of death at all. We are not sentenced to death, we are
just privileged to answer His call."