Episode 114 - Varsity Blues

Get your potbelly pigs, concussions, and whipped cream bikinis
ready, because we’re covering the 1999 after-school special
"Varsity Blues," which tells the story of a jaded back-up
quarterback at a small-town Texas high school who has to take
over hero responsibilities when the star QB gets injured while
also trying to take down their mean old coach.


This film predates the "Friday Night Lights" movie and subsequent
TV show, but doesn’t predate the book, so clearly they were
capitalizing on its popularity.


James Van Der Beek (Dawson Leery from "Dawson’s Creek") plays
Jonathan Moxon, aka Mox, a not-credible movie genius who reads
"Slaughterhouse-Five" a lot and therefore inexplicably gets a
full-ride academic scholarship to Brown University for this.


The mean Coach Kilmer is played by Von Voigt, who thinks he’s
actually in a good movie, because he’s trying to win another
Oscar here.


Late actor Ron Lester plays fat-guy Billy Bob who is fighting
constant concussions. Other late actor Paul Walker plays
first-string quarterback Lance Harbor who gets injured, loses his
future and is sad the whole time. Little person actor Scott Caan
plays a fun-loving rapist teammate named Tweeder who shows the
audience deep inside his anus.


Ali Larter plays Darcy, a supposed smart head cheerleader who is
just trying to date whoever is the star quarterback so she can
get out of this small town one day (rather than just go to
college). Amy Smart plays Dawson’s quasi-goth bummer of a
girlfriend who just spend the whole movie telling him he sucks
for enjoying people liking him.


There’s also a weird stripper teacher incident, a zany little
brother who may be a ghost and starts cults, and also a cameo by
a very young Jesse Plemons.


Join us as we recall what a loud roommate Keating is, how creepy
the Newbery Award looks, and as Jim remembers when he found out
one of his former older lady coworkers secretly moonlighted as an
escort.


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This episode is sponsored by AXE Body Spray PPEs.


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