Episode 68: HA HA I HAVE A HUGE DICK with the very thoughtful Blake

Let's talk about gender and biosex and sex assigned at birth and
anatomy and surgery and language. In this episode Blake, FTM, and I
a ciswoman pull apart what we experience on a day to day basis to
develop a better world for the future. For part of the episode I go
through the criteria of gender dysphoria as outlined in the DSM 5.
Here there are if you'd like to follow along: In adolescents and
adults gender dysphoria diagnosis involves a difference between
one’s experienced/expressed gender and assigned gender, and
significant distress or problems functioning. It lasts at least six
months and is shown by at least two of the following: 1. A marked
incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and primary
and/or secondary sex characteristics 2. A strong desire to be rid
of one’s primary and/or secondary sex characteristics 3. A strong
desire for the primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of the
other gender 4. A strong desire to be of the other gender 5. A
strong desire to be treated as the other gender 6. A strong
conviction that one has the typical feelings and reactions of the
other gender Why does Blake identify as FTM rather than a transman?
"While I’m not offended if someone refers to me as a transman, I
prefer to say I’m FTM, or a female-to-male trans person. The main
reason is that the term FTM just feels correct. It sounds right
when I say it. It feels authentic. I don’t get that “it fits”
feeling with transman, non-binary, or any other gendery word.
However, it’s okay if my experience seems familiar to you and you
do use a different term than I do. Or if you’re FTm and your
experience is nothing like mine. We’re equally valid. I just know
what fits for me. I don’t feel that my gender is particularly
“man”, and I struggle to relate to most men, cis or trans. I know
that I get the “it fits” feeling with my current name, Blake, but
not with my birth name. He/him/his pronouns fit too. They/them
doesn’t bother me, but doesn’t feel as correct as he/him. Being
called she/her causes me pain. When I had breasts, I knew that I’d
feel more correct without them, so I removed them, and I do indeed
feel more at home in my own body now. I was similarly confident
about not wanting my uterus and ovaries. I have mixed feelings
about the idea of having/obtaining a penis. I rarely feel
pain/dysphoria when I see my own genitalia, but I do wish that I
didn’t have to worry about having this genitalia - I wish men’s
bathrooms had more stalls, I wish my genitals weren’t remarkable or
confusing to doctors or potential sexual partners, but I don’t hate
having a vulva. I’m not always comfortable with other people
interacting with it, though I often am, but I find that the most
emotionally fulfilling sex for me involves me penetrating another
person with a “realistic” phallus. It’s how I feel most sexually
fulfilled, even if that means my genitals aren’t stimulated by
another person and/or I don’t have an orgasm. But having a penis
24/7 seems really inconvenient, honestly, and I don’t like the
feeling of wearing a packer. I like the look of a bulge on me, but
not enough to wear a packer. I like that I was “born female” and I
wouldn’t change it. I like using a term that has female in it. I am
thankful to have been raised as a girl. I didn’t feel like anything
but a girl, until I realized that I’d never thought about it. But
by then, I’d spent 18 years avoiding boys. Boys were mean to me.
Men scare me. So using a term with “man” in it feels less
authentic, and I don’t want to be them or be like them. Manhood
isn’t appealing to me, even though much of “male”-ness feels
essential to me."