Day 2: Baghdad and Bizarro World

My husband Matt calls the experience of being in theater "Bizarro
World." As I got off the C-17 into the dusty air of Baghdad, I
was immediately in just that. It smelled like my husband when he
first got home from deployment. (Sorry hun, but its true for all
of you!) Granted we were forced to change our plans due to fog
that limited helicopter take off. Still, so many things were
notable. I hear from soldiers that coming home they are hit by
the sensory overload of colors, carpet, and noises. Baghdad is
crawling, at least today, with secret service or other security
detail. Every door is guarded by at least 2 stern looking men.
Outside the tall 10-15 ft cement walls provide weapons security
as well as walling off sections that make large alleys to walk to
and fro. Outside is nothing but gravel and the sounds of incoming
and outgoing aircraft is constant. I can understand why it became
Matt’s white noise when deployed, why he "goes to another place"
when he hears a bird. Still, I noted that there were indeed, no
colors. Much of this trip has included making sure that I am
following the group of press so that I am where I'm supposed to
be. Today as I was talking with the Secretary's staff, I somehow
got separated from the press. Soon I found myself close to
entering a meeting that I was not supposed to be part of. Once we
all realized, I was grateful to be walked back to the press group
by a friendly security guard/state security who basically looked
like special forces in civilian clothes. It actually gave me a
great chance to ask him about his assignment here. I think one of
my favorite things about all of this is getting to see the
branches working together. Seeing the Air Force, special forces,
and today our Army doing what they do best. It seems that so many
of us live within the community our service member serves in and
become incredibly proud of our branch. Seeing them work together
is a whole new perspective. We know they exist to work together
like a machine, but seeing it happen is different. I have to
admit that although we got grounded today, it was not a wash.
Talking to the crew on the C-17 and those that work here is
enlightening. When I asked what they felt family most
misunderstands, they expressed the need to decompress after they
come home. They said that doing what they do takes incredible
mental and physical energy. Giving them a day to decompress and
get their energy back will help so they can re-engage. As I look
back, I asked Matt to engage again way too quickly. I asked him
to make big decisions before he had recovered. I've always told
couples to avoid big decisions during reintegration but I know
now it's more than that. In fact, I think back to our
reintegration that was so difficult and see that he needed time
to rest and heal and I was ready to move quickly- that caused a
lot of tension that could have been avoided. A little part of me
is healed today because I look back on that experience with new
eyes. Talking with troops right before Christmas helped me
understand the care package issue. After eating in the DFAC and
having tons of options and yet seeing them live minimally- they
really don't have many needs. But that's the issue, the have all
their basic needs (depending on where they are) and are living so
minimally they agreed they don't let their minds stretch outside
of that. So a "what would you like for Christmas" gets a "well I
don't need anything." We decided on items you use up like
toiletries, food, and snacks they can share. I know that sounds
cheesy, but when you eat the same things everyday or have to
order your favorites online- getting them from a loved one is
great. Living in small spaces though makes it hard when you keep
getting stuff that isn't disposable or used up. There is simply
no room to put those kinds of things out. Here are my big take
aways (listen to my journal for an expanded edition): 1. We need
to appreciate other branches more, the puzzle fits beautifully
together to complete the overall mission- which is fantastic to
see! 2. Understand that your service member really may not "need"
much during deployment, but they also may not know "what" they
want. But that shouldn't mean we send random box fillers that
they won't know where to put. Above all, a box from home that
doesn't look like grey walls, gravel, and camouflage could be
heaven filled with the right things. 3. Military Leaders: you may
not be able to send a spouse over seas to paint a picture of what
you do, but there are plenty of ways you can show them an
accurate picture. Bus them to the field for a couple of hours,
tell them (educate them) on the actual mission. Family days, even
if it is just your leaders can reduce anxiety and give them a
cause to get behind. Some of those may sound simple, but I am
trying to take into account the things that are really simple to
do that we don’t realize are quite big in understanding your
service member. When it was time to fly back, the flight crew of
the C-17 brought me up into the cockpit and explained the brevity
of this kind of mission involving a VIP. The coordination is
incredible. We talked about their families and how much they are
excited to be home for Christmas this year. I looked out the
cockpit window to see the night sky and the lights of Saudi
Arabia in the distance. The handed me night vision goggles (NVGs)
and I could see every cloud like it was day and ships on the
water. I asked what is the most beautiful thing they see out the
window that they look forward to. “Home.”