Day 4: Afghanistan, FOB Fenty

Today was emotional for me. Maybe it was the anticipation of
knowing this day would resonate the most for me, maybe it was the
jet lag. I only had 2.5 hours of sleep. There is a little bit of
a lengthy backstory on why this was emotional and there is no way
I can explain it all. If you read “The Outpost” by Jake Tapper,
you would understand how Matt’s experience during that first
deployment made this visit special. I think there is going to be
a specific place (or couple of them) for a lot of military
families where if it is meaningful to your spouse then it is
meaningful to you. Today, FOB (Forward Operating Base) Fenty was
the closest I could get to the story of 4th Brigade in 2009-2010,
specifically our unit 3rd Squad 61st Cavalry. Fenty held one of
the greatest commanders I’ve ever known, and that is from a
family perspective. The Colonel (now General) Randy George led
our troops through a very tough fighting season where we lost
amazing soldiers killed in action. I assisted the senior wives in
working with the Gold Star Widows back at home. While Matt wasn’t
at Fenty very much, leadership that he will always hold in high
esteem was. IMG 3350 copy When we first landed the E4-B in
Bagram, I already felt emotional just to be in Afghanistan. We
were only there long enough to switch planes. I took my own
advice from yesterday and took some video of me transitioning.
F-16s were racing down the runway as we walked. Service members
on the tarmac were fully kitted up for extra security. I have
never flown in a C-130 before and definitely not like we did
today. It was screaming is all I can say. Rapid decent, sharp
turns, and a fast landing. I can’t believe I haven’t been nervous
once during this whole trip. With all the plane rides, landings,
etc- I have felt very safe. window SecDef400We were only in the
air 30 minutes. When we got off the plane, we did a quick photo
with the Secretary and Mrs Carter for Military Spouse Magazine
(hope it comes out- it was quick!). Then we were able to go to
the USO there at Fenty where whey had Wi-fi. A forward operating
base (in my spouse language) is kind of like the main base for
the higher headquarters for troops that report back from other
more remote places out there, especially in the mountains. You
have a lot of remote places where our troops live where they have
even less than what I saw in Erbil or here at Fenty. If you have
ever seen the documentary Restrepo, this is the kind of area we
are talking about. USOReginaI was surprised to see a USO there. I
thought it was remote enough that it surprised me. Even more
surprising was the sweet woman named Regina who is a USO worker
who has lived out here for 5-6 years, just serving our troops.
Can you believe that? I had no idea that we had USO workers
embedded. I hugged her, teared up and said thank you for the
service she provides. She has sacrificed a lot to do what she
feels called to do. She brought me out to the memorial where I
took a couple of pictures with my 4th ID shirt that Patty George
(Gen George’s wife) made for us during the deployment. The troops
there were amazing. They are with 10th Mountain Division, several
of them scouts or advisors. Regina took me over to them so I
could ask them some questions about their families. I think my
4th ID shirt broke the ice a little. When I asked if I could do
something, one said, “You’re wearing a 4ID shirt, you can do
whatever the hell you want to do.” When I asked what they wished
spouses understood, they said that they feel that sometimes
family doesn’t understand the sporadic schedule they have, how
they can have hours one day to talk and other days can only send
a text. Trying to explain what they are doing gets a little
difficult too. Overall though, they said that things are better
here at Fenty than they were even when we were there in 2009. Now
they have stronger Wi-fi and have noticed that some of the
younger soldiers stress more when the internet is “slow” when to
them they may only be able to talk to his family three times in a
deployment. Now he has a routine where he calls on the weekends.
brave1 Brave2 One troop in particular told me this was is 6th
deployment and that was hard on his wife. He took me to some of
the buildings and showed me what a B-hut is. This was important
to me because during a particular battle we had where we lost 8
soldiers they were living in a very remote location and had
buildings like this, small shacks made of plywood and barbed wire
underneath. Matt was right, it took some getting used to seeing
everyone carrying their weapons, but I loved it. You don’t see
soldiers carrying their weapons around on post, other than in
ruck marches (at least that has been my experience). Most of the
time they are using them on the firing ranges or the field away
from family housing areas. When I went back in the USO, one
soldier spent a considerable amount of time talking with me about
how he and his wife have learned how to manage the emotions of
deployment. For them, he said, they had learned to take advantage
of the support system each of them had to vent so they weren’t
venting on the phone. “Venting only makes me want to fix it, and
I can’t. Neither can she fix mine” he shared. If they vent to
others first, when they get on the phone they are able to then
talk about everything else. Everyone seemed thrilled to see a
spouse there. fentycallRegina said I could call Matt from the
phones and I couldn’t resist. The guys there said it would be
part of the experience for me. I knew I would be waking him up,
but how many times did he call when he “could” and wake me up? I
picked up the phone and dialed- I knew on his end it would read
“Maryland” calling. “Chaplain Weathers”, he answered. “Guess
where I am? I’m calling you from Fenty.” He woke up right away,
kinda. I asked if he wanted me to let him sleep. “No, it is so
good to hear your voice.” He put my son on the phone and I knew
this was definitely a role reversal moment. The helicopters
outside beat the air and I told I wished he could hear it.
fentypress400Afterwards, the Secretary was doing a press
conference with acting Afghan Defense Minister Masoom Stanekzai.
Local Afghan journalists where attending as well. I will let you
read up on some of the incredible press articles that came out
from that conference to hear about policy, but to actually be
present as one of our military leaders and one of theirs spoke
together on their desired partnership to continue to build up the
Afghan Army and listen with a translation ear piece was really
cool. We walked to the hangar where the Secretary wanted to speak
and thank the troops. Here are the tall cement walls that I also
saw in Baghdad. The extra helicopters, state security, and troops
guarding everything was to protect the Secretary. For some extra
video, watch my Youtube video and you can get a better idea of
what I saw today. Here are my #PowerofMarriage tips for the day:
1. It is a normal temptation for either spouse or service member
to disconnect to do the mission. It can sometimes feel like there
is little to talk about except the daily grind. I can see the
monotony they live in. I can see how everything looks the same
every day. Even their minimal Christmas decorations don’t make it
really fell like Christmas. I believe most want to hear those
details about your day when they have the time, but want
understanding from you when they don’t. Do your best to stay
connected. Find things to talk about. Schedule things to talk
about or work on a book together so you can be growing together.
2. When your service member says they feel safe somewhere,
believe them. I know it is hard when they say they are going to
Afghanistan, Iraq, Turkey, or anywhere else close to the fight.
But a couple of them told me that they not only feel safe in
these places, they want their family to believe them. One
yesterday in Erbil said he felt safer there than in Baltimore.
Again, stay educated and try to relax unless you are told
otherwise. 3. It says nothing bad about your marriage if you have
someone you trust (not of the opposite sex) that you can vent to
and not always take it to your spouse. When you have limited time
on the phone, save it for more positive and productive
conversations. Resolve conflict quickly. Deployment is a time to
take care of yourself too. You won’t be able to help or fix
problems your spouse is going through. You both need others to
help you.