#72. 恐怖大學室友 (2) "College Roommate Horror Story"｜英文不難

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----------------------------------- #1 ----文稿---- I had two
roommates that kept eating all of my food. Although classes haven't
started, I had already moved into my dorm. One day, I made myself a
peanut butter sandwich. I put my sandwich on the table, and ten
minutes later, it was gone. My roommate ate it. About a week later,
I decided to make myself another peanut butter sandwich. I opened
my cupboard and saw that my roommates left an empty jar in my
cupboard. I flipped out because who eats a whole jar of peanut
butter, without introducing themselves? These girls would scarf
down all my food, and complain if they thought anyone was touching
their food. So I started buying really fattening food such as
doughnuts, pies, cakes. I was trying to teach them self-restraint,
but these girls would go through these boxes within two days. So I
kept buying doughnuts and desserts. And then one day they started
complaining about how they couldn't fit their jeans. Success. I
also put laxatives in my peanut butter. ----單字---- dorm 宿舍 cupboard
櫃子 flipped out 暴怒 scarf down 狼吞虎嚥 fattening 增肥 restraint 節制
laxatives 瀉藥 #2 ----文稿---- My roommate freshman year got completely
hammered, came back to the room around 1 in the morning, and
accused me of stealing the pudding in her fridge that she *had ate*
an hour before she went out. She waited until I fell asleep and
then stabbed me in the arm with one of those clicky pencils…I had
to go to the hospital to get it cleaned/stitched. She got kicked
out. ----單字---- freshman year 大一 hammered 嚴重酒醉 accused 指控 *had ate*
其實是錯的，應該是 had eaten。你有抓到嗎？XD stabbed 捅 #3 ----文稿---- I got
absolutely hammered and pissed all over my roommates desk the night
before the end of the year. I woke up to him hanging up his money
to dry out. Years later he ended up as my boss and ended up giving
me a significant promotion. I guess he doesn't hold grudges.
----單字---- pissed 尿尿 ended up 變成 significant 大、有份量的 promotion 升遷
hold a grudge 記仇 #4 ----文稿---- It was move out day and my roommate
was working on a paper last minute. I was packing my stuff. His
parents walked in and were absolutely pissed that he wasn't packed
yet. They immediately started scolding him while I was still in the
room, but thankfully I had a final to go to and figured I'd dodge
the storm. I said my goodbyes, assuming they'd be gone by the time
I got back from my two hour final and went on my way. As it
happens, my final only took twenty minutes so I got back much
sooner than they'd have expected. I opened the door, saw my
roommate bent over his bed with his bare ass showing just as his
mom wound up for a spank. I quickly closed the door and went over
to a friend's dorm until I felt safe enough to return. I never
brought it up to him after that. ----單字---- paper 這裡是指報告 scolding
責罵 dodge the storm 避風頭 assuming 假設、預設 bare 沒穿衣服的、光溜溜 wound up
準備做某個動作 spank 打巴掌 bring something up 提及某事 -- Hosting provided by
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