This episode is devoted to one deceptively simple question: How
do you stay close to your partner over time through the
inevitable exhaustion, misunderstanding, conflict,
disappointment, and change?
This episode is brought to you by:
Eight Sleep Pod Cover 5 with dual-zone
temperature control, so each partner sleeps at their perfect
temperature
In this episode:
Esther Perel begins with the basics:
appreciation, affection, and replacing chronic complaints with
clear requests.
Brené Brown explains why marriage is never
50/50 and how she and her husband create what Brené calls a
“plan of kindness.”
Brad Feld describes the monthly “life dinners”
that have helped him and his wife review the previous 30 days,
talk honestly about the future, and prevent resentments from
building up
Jim Dethmer offers a practical way to
distinguish observable facts from the stories we make up about
our partners.
Sheila Heen explains how humor and genuine
curiosity can serve as an interrupt on an argument that is
heating up
The late Dr. Sue Johnson then walks us
through a “Hold Me Tight” conversation—a way of moving beneath
anger and defensiveness to the fear, vulnerability, and need for
connection underneath.
Terry Real then offers a strikingly simple
model for repair and introduces the term “normal marital
hatred” - as he put it, nobody ever goes up to him and says
“What do you mean by that?!”
Finally, Diana Chapman describes what it
means to let an outdated version of a marriage end so that two
people can consciously choose what comes next for their
relationship.
Timestamps:
Intro from Tim: 00:00:00
Esther Perel: 00:01:58
Brené Brown: 00:08:21
Brad Feld: 00:12:02
Jim Dethmer: 00:16:51
Shelia Heen: 00:23:04
Dr. Sue Johnson: 00:29:26
Terry Real: 00:40:14
Diana Chapman: 00:46:19
Short bios:
Esther Perel is an internationally renowned psychotherapist,
the New York Times bestselling author of Mating in Captivity and
The State of Affairs, and the host of the award-winning podcast
Where Should We Begin?
Brené Brown is the author of six number-one New York Times
bestsellers exploring courage, vulnerability, shame, and
resilience; a research professor at the University of Houston;
and a professor of practice at the University of Texas at Austin.
Brad Feld is an early-stage investor and entrepreneur and a
co-founder of Foundry Group, Mobius Venture Capital, and
Techstars. He writes on entrepreneurship, leadership, mental
health, and sustaining a life beyond work.
Jim Dethmer is a co-founder of the Conscious Leadership Group
and co-author of The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership, an
influential framework for building candid, responsible,
high-trust relationships.
Sheila Heen is the deputy director of the Harvard Negotiation
Project, founder of Triad Consulting Group, and co-author of the
New York Times bestsellers Difficult Conversations and Thanks for
the Feedback.
Dr. Sue Johnson was the pioneering clinical psychologist who
created Emotionally Focused Therapy. She was named Psychologist
of the Year by the American Psychological Association and
appointed to the Order of Canada for her global impact on
psychotherapy.
Terry Real is an internationally recognized family therapist,
a bestselling author, and the creator of Relational Life Therapy.
He has spent more than four decades helping couples restore
intimacy and connection.
Diana Chapman is co-author of The 15 Commitments of Conscious
Leadership, a cofounder of the Conscious Leadership Group, and
founder of the Signal Institute, working with leaders on radical
honesty, somatic intelligence, and transformation.
*
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