How to Get Better at Confrontation

Confrontation is hard. But avoiding it is harder—on your peace,
your relationships, and your self-respect. In this episode,
explore how to get better at having tough conversations. We’ll
look to Aristotle, Joan Didion, and the Gottman institute’s
world-renowned research on conflict to create a roadmap for
navigating confrontation without abandoning yourself or
bulldozing anyone else. If you spiral after hitting send, avoid
awkward conversations for weeks while playing out fake arguments
in the shower, or disassociate every time someone says “we need
to talk,” this one's for you.





EPISODE OUTLINE 


00:00 Intro 


05:19 1. The correlation between confrontation and respect 


06:27 Joan Didion On Self Respect 


08:47 The trolley problem (Foote)


14:33 2. Approaching confrontation practically 


16:33 Phronesis (Aristotle) 


18:35 Kant’s categorical imperative


20:50 Thich Nhat Hanh’s three gates 


23:27 3. Confrontation dos and don’ts


23:49 the Gottman institute 


24:44 Confrontation don’ts


26:14 Confrontation dos


26:17 The magic ratio for healthy relationships


26:53 Bids for attention


27:59 Soft startups 


29:08 Repair attempts


32:09 Lightning round recap





MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE 


​ ⁠Joan Didion, On Self Respect (Vogue, 1961)

​ ⁠Aristotle, Nichomachean Ethics (c. 350 BCE)

​ ⁠Immanuel Kant, Groundwork for the Metaphysics of Morals
(1785)

​ ⁠Thích Nhất Hạnh, The Art of Communicating (2013)

​ ⁠Drs. John & Julie Gottman, The Seven Principles for
Making Marriage Work (1999)






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