The Psychological Formula for Attraction ft. Jemma Sbeg

What actually makes us feel drawn to someone—and what makes us
cling to situationships long after we can see the glaring red
flags of emotional unavailability?





In today's episode, I’m joined by my first-ever guest (!!) and
one of my favorite podcasters of all time, Jemma Sbeg—host of the
wildly popular Psychology of Your 20s podcast and the author of
Person in Progress. If you’ve ever screamed-cried in your car
after someone you weren’t even officially dating ghosted you,
this one’s for you.





A few things we dive into:





A research-backed formula for attraction (and how to use it
without playing games)

The role of the “spark” in attraction

The psychology behind common dating pitfalls in your 20s

The stigma of being single



The commitment-readiness scale (and why it can land you in
situationship after situationship)






Jemma also shares insights from PERSON IN PROGRESS—a roadmap for
surviving the chaotic, confusing, deeply transitional decade that
is your twenties—and offers advice to her younger self that made
me tear up a little. Whether you’re trying to understand your
patterns, make sense of someone else's, or just feel a little
less alone in the dating trenches, this one will stick with you.





EPISODE OUTLINE





00:00 Intro
02:51 The formula for attraction
04:21 1. Proximity
07:10 2. Similarity
11:43 3. Familiarity
14:03 The 3 month rule
16:55 The curse of comfort
19:31 The sunk cost fallacy
21:06 The fear of starting over
22:37 4. Reciprocity
23:13 The harm of playing games
26:36 5. A spark
27:19 The psychology of common relationship pitfalls
27:31 1. Repetition compulsion
31:04 2. The stigma of being single
36:45 3. Situationships
38:23 The commitment-readiness scale
40:21 Permission slip to grieve your situationship