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Stop Asking "Why" - What an FBI Negotiator Teaches Parents Instead

Stop Asking "Why" - What an FBI Negotiator Teaches Parents Instead

Good Inside with Dr. Becky vor 1 Monat

Dr. Becky talks to former FBI negotiator Chris Voss about why asking your kid "why" almost always backfires, and what to ask instead.

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55:55

Chris Voss is a former FBI lead kidnapping negotiator,
bestselling author of Never Split The Difference, and founder and
CEO of The Black Swan Group; a negotiation, training, coaching,
and consulting organization that teaches people how to achieve
better outcomes in high-stakes conversations. Today, he teaches
some of these same skills to parents - and it turns out the thing
that gets a hostage-taker to put down a weapon isn't that
different from what gets your eight-year-old to put down the
tablet.

Obviously, kids aren’t actual hostage-takers, but in this
conversation, Chris and Dr. Becky get into why kids saying "no"
is actually a sign of a healthy nervous system, not defiance. Why
"how was your day" always gets you "fine," and the one-word fix
that doesn't. Why asking your kid "why" almost always backfires,
and what to ask instead. And the reframe Chris uses with his own
team to get a reluctant partner, coworker, or teenager to
actually engage: "are you against this?"

*

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