Episode 004 - The 13 Ingredients of Healthy Couples

Summary:


In Episode 004,Joseph
Tropperdiscusses the 13 ingredients of healthy
couples. Joseph uses the analogy of baking—you wouldn’t replace
tar for chocolate, or vinegar for milk in your recipe. You need
to focus on choosing the right ingredients to create that sweet,
final confection. These 13 ingredients have negative counterparts
and just being aware of the choices you have is where it all
begins. Listen as Joseph shares the 13 ingredients for a
healthier relationship with your partner and the importance of
evaluating what you bring to the table. Joseph will show you how
you can improve your relationship now.


Time Stamped Show Notes:



00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast


00:25 – Episode 4 is about the 13 ingredients that create
a healthy couple


00:56 – This episode is for couples who want to enhance
their relationship


01:20 – 1 in 2 marriages end in divorce; although these
statistics lean towards teen marriages


01:40 – Once age at the time of marriage increases, the
statistics for divorce lower


02:05 – The most important things about these ingredients
are two-fold:



02:10 – Consistency in doing them


02:30 – Putting the right ingredients
in



03:34 – 1: Have a 1-2 hour weekly date


03:45 – 2: Compliment each other more than you criticize
each other; at a 4:1 ratio


04:10 – 3: Daily repair conversation frequency


04:30 – 4: Give each other time to repair or have
emotional time-outs instead of letting fights escalate


04:43 – 5: Give love and show acceptance to each
other


04:57 – 6: The importance of being happy rather than
being right


05:18 – 7: Laugh together often


05:28 – 8: Validate the 10% where you two agree rather
than fighting the 90% where you disagree or see the other as
wrong


06:08 – 9: Make time for intimacy


06:21 – 10: Celebrate each other’s success


06:32 – 11: Encourage individualism and autonomy


06:46 – 12: Give and receive trust


06:58 – 13: Seek help when needed


07:10 – Putting the ingredients, time, and energy into
your relationship will make it work


07:23 – Get a print-out of the 13 ingredients
atMind Your Mind


07:42 – “A wedding anniversary is a celebration of love,
trust, partnership, tolerance, and tenacity—the order varies
for any given year.” by Paul Sweeney


07:57 – Get out of that negative mindset


08:07 – Pick one from the healthy list and reinforce it,
and pick from the unhealthy list and fix it


08:41 – Denise asks, “My spouse is the problem, he’s
unreasonable and has issues. We have one child and have been
together for over 5 years. I’m not perfect, but it’s 90%
him.”



o09:00 – Joseph’s response is to seek help for
yourself and focus on your part


o09:21 – Put yourself into the relationship as
much as you can; because if you pull out, your spouse will pull
away as well


o09:31 – If you want to fix it, find a support
team or therapist to help you have a conversation with your
spouse about the issues you face


o09:45 – Look at the list to see if you’re
doing the things that allow for connection



10:16 – End of this week’s podcast!



3 Key Points:
Be aware that there is a positive and negative way in
dealing with the problems in your relationship—then, choose the
positive.It’s important to say 4 compliments to your
partner for every 1 critical statement, something that usually sets
apart the masters from the disasters.Being consistent
and putting the right ingredients into a relationship is key to
keeping it healthy, long-lasting and enjoyable.

Resources Mentioned:


Mind Your Mind– Download the PDF 13 Healthy
Couple Ingredients