Episode 004 - The 13 Ingredients of Healthy Couples

Summary:


In Episode 004,Joseph Tropperdiscusses the 13 ingredients of
healthy couples. Joseph uses the analogy of baking—you wouldn’t
replace tar for chocolate, or vinegar for milk in your recipe.
You need to focus on choosing the right ingredients to create
that sweet, final confection. These 13 ingredients have negative
counterparts and just being aware of the choices you have is
where it all begins. Listen as Joseph shares the 13 ingredients
for a healthier relationship with your partner and the importance
of evaluating what you bring to the table. Joseph will show you
how you can improve your relationship now.


Time Stamped Show Notes:


00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast

00:25 – Episode 4 is about the 13 ingredients that create a
healthy couple

00:56 – This episode is for couples who want to enhance their
relationship

01:20 – 1 in 2 marriages end in divorce; although these
statistics lean towards teen marriages

01:40 – Once age at the time of marriage increases, the
statistics for divorce lower

02:05 – The most important things about these ingredients are
two-fold:



02:10 – Consistency in doing them


02:30 – Putting the right ingredients in


03:34 – 1: Have a 1-2 hour weekly date

03:45 – 2: Compliment each other more than you criticize each
other; at a 4:1 ratio

04:10 – 3: Daily repair conversation frequency

04:30 – 4: Give each other time to repair or have emotional
time-outs instead of letting fights escalate

04:43 – 5: Give love and show acceptance to each other

04:57 – 6: The importance of being happy rather than being
right

05:18 – 7: Laugh together often

05:28 – 8: Validate the 10% where you two agree rather than
fighting the 90% where you disagree or see the other as wrong

06:08 – 9: Make time for intimacy

06:21 – 10: Celebrate each other’s success

06:32 – 11: Encourage individualism and autonomy

06:46 – 12: Give and receive trust

06:58 – 13: Seek help when needed

07:10 – Putting the ingredients, time, and energy into your
relationship will make it work

07:23 – Get a print-out of the 13 ingredients atMind Your
Mind

07:42 – “A wedding anniversary is a celebration of love,
trust, partnership, tolerance, and tenacity—the order varies for
any given year.” by Paul Sweeney

07:57 – Get out of that negative mindset

08:07 – Pick one from the healthy list and reinforce it, and
pick from the unhealthy list and fix it


08:41 – Denise asks, “My spouse is the problem, he’s
unreasonable and has issues. We have one child and have been
together for over 5 years. I’m not perfect, but it’s 90%
him.”



o09:00 – Joseph’s response is to seek help for yourself and focus
on your part


o09:21 – Put yourself into the relationship as much as you can;
because if you pull out, your spouse will pull away as well


o09:31 – If you want to fix it, find a support team or therapist
to help you have a conversation with your spouse about the issues
you face


o09:45 – Look at the list to see if you’re doing the things that
allow for connection


10:16 – End of this week’s podcast!



3 Key Points:
Be aware that there is a positive and negative way in dealing
with the problems in your relationship—then, choose the
positive.It’s important to say 4 compliments to your partner for
every 1 critical statement, something that usually sets apart the
masters from the disasters.Being consistent and putting the right
ingredients into a relationship is key to keeping it healthy,
long-lasting and enjoyable.

Resources Mentioned:


Mind Your Mind– Download the PDF 13 Healthy Couple Ingredients