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  4. Revelations ~Chapter 1/The Mark of The Beast and how to avoid it.
Ah, here we go. So Jesus is the son of God, but he was also a
human. The book opens with our narrator, John. He's just a
mild-mannered Christian guy living in exile when—pow!—God hits him
with a doozy of a revelation (hey, that's not a bad idea for a
title). John is told to write down everything God shows him, and
boy is God going to show him some strange things. First, John sees
a vision of Heaven. There he meets God and Jesus and all sorts of
other angels, elders, and weird six-winged creatures that inhabit
the heavenly realms. After a brief how-do-you-do, John sees Jesus
come forward (in the form of a seven-eyed lamb) and open seven
seals. Each of the seals lets loose God's fury on the Earth. We're
talking rivers of blood, plagues of locusts, giant hailstones,
twenty more seasons of Jersey Shore. The last seal unleashes seven
angelic trumpeters, which in turn unleashes seven bowls of God's
judgment. Yep, God really has a thing for sevens… and pouring down
his wrath on non-believers. Rivers of blood not freaking you out
enough? While all this is happening, John sees some pretty hideous
creatures lurking around. A giant red dragon, a beast with seven
heads, and another beast who also happens to love the number 666.
John is told that these baddies have been busy convincing the
people of Earth to worship them instead of God. They also like to
kill Christians and just generally be evil. Things are not going to
go well for them. After God sends all the plagues to Earth and
loads of people die (eek!), he has the armies of Heaven wipe the
dragon and the two beasts off the face of the Earth. Literally.
They get thrown in the Lake of Fire… along with all their followers
who refuse to worship God. As for all the faithful Christians who
stayed strong and kept faith in Jesus, they get to go to a splendid
city in the sky where the streets are paved with gold and diamonds
and nothing bad ever happens to anyone ever again. It's all good...

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