Episode 44: The Rules

Hello, my friend! Welcome to my humble automobile dealership!


Ah, yes. Very nice. I see you eyeing our all new 2013 Toyota
Scimitar with optional Sports Package and Premium Ground Effects.
This favored daughter of luxury is blessed with power steering,
calfskin cup holders, and eleven LCD screens. And, she is yours
today, my friend, for the pittance of $32,000.


Very nice!


[silence]


Ahhhhhhhhh, yes, my friend. I can tell from your ironic
eyeglasses and gawky demeanor that you are the kind of man who
will do much research! Very nice. Well, for you? My manager
approves: I take off $500!


[silence]


Hmmm, in your hand I see a check for the full retail price and a
printed out email whose subject line I can clearly read as “FWD:
car-buying tips from Dad.” Please dispose of worries—from me
only, you get a fair deal! $24,000! Best international price! You
check on computer sites. Very nice.


[silence]


You appear to be sweating, my friend. Would you like to sit down?
What’s that? Ah, yes. Be well. Our wi-fi password is “N1ssanSux.”
One word; no spaces. Very nice.


[silence]


$23,000 is as low as I can go. I pull my babies from school for
you.


[silence]


No? No?!? Still too much? Very nice. $22,000 and a copy of the
hit board game Scruples! My death like a mere dog is your good
fortune, my friend!


[silence]


Argh! Again, you push too hard! Too hard! Very Nice!!!


Okay. Yes yes yes yes yes! $21,000, AND the Scruples, AND a taste
of the food you are literally taking from my child’s mouth. Very
nice.


[silence]


I do not know how you do it! Please, accept my offer or they will
fire me! $15,000 out the door. Scruples, free. Also a very small
bust of Bette Midler. And Amish lathe. Many veins. My gift I make
for you. Very nice.


[silence]


Yes. Okay. You think about it. Talk to wife. Sure. Good. I bring
more coffee and fresh Pop-O-Matic. Yes.


[silence]


Very nice, my friend.


Very. Very. Nice.


[silence]